by Walter Bucket on 18/11/14 at 5:36 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. TRUE: Unfortunately “Evil Kadiddlehopper” has failed in his third attempt to jump the Grand Canyon on a Segway! This time there’s not enough left to clone!
2. After the Krakatoa Volcano exploded, all airplanes were grounded until 1903!
3. After 2012-2014 drought, in May 2014, California Governor Jerry Brown gave citizens permission to crap in their back yards and cover it up, military style. A video of Brown showing how it works has since been pulled from the internet.
4. The World Heavyweight Champion was Cassius Clay after he defeated Sonny Liston, then Muhammad Ali took it away from him.
5. Before cotton candy came along, a lot of kids in the South ate chocolate covered cotton balls while watching a circus or a sporting event. Fortunately Cod Liver Oil and Black Draught was available everywhere.
6. Solar Flares are only to be used in the daytime. If you have a vehicle problem at night, use a Lunar Flare.
7. Mr. Clean’s first name? Fastidious!
8. In New York City, the supreme faux pas is when two different Dons take out a contract on the same pigeon.
9. Elephant Seals snack on penguins in the water but on the land, young penguins are much too quick and constantly torment the big guys with things like “I haven’t seen an ass that size since I saw yours yesterday!”
10. Some psychologists say that after 40-50 years of marriage the couple begin to look alike. He develops boobs and she grows a mustache.
11. In a 2009 Poll, 25% of people called say they never eat pulled pork. The number one answer? “It sounds nasty.”
12. Davy Crockett was only the third “King of the Wild Frontier”. The first two were Daniel Boone and Chief Seattle.
13. Due to Jupiter being made mainly from clouds of gas, NASA has determined that only politicians could live there.
14. The tub of lard was invented by Alex Heywood. When he died at the age of 31, he was cremated and his ashes filled three empty tubs of lard.
15. The distance from the Earth to the Moon is 384,399 kilometers in Europe but only 238,854 miles from the United States.