The Dog Ate My Homework

by on 25/11/14 at 3:53 pm

"Yup, there's the homework!"

“Yup, there’s the homework!”

First Lady Michelle Obama
The White House
Washington DC

Dear Michelle:

My name is Lucy Jones and I am 12 years old attending George Patton Middle school. Recently I was reprimanded by Mrs. Willis my mathematics teacher for not handing in my homework. I told her the dog ate it and she sent me to Principal Smith’s office.

I explained to Principal Smith that it was Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” Healthy Eating program that caused my dog to eat my mathematics homework. When the new lunch menu was introduced into our school cafeteria it was uneatable, I threw it away and I went home hungry.

Great Granddad John said that “during WWII, when he was fighting in Europe we had K Rations.” There was also Sh*t on a Shingle (AKA Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast) commencing from before WWI on the US Army barracks menus.

Granddad John Jr. said “that in the jungles of Vietnam War we had C Rations.”

My daddy Ed said “that Meals Ready to Eat (MRE) were available for him during the 1990 Desert Storm operation.”

My older brother Harry, who served tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, said “that the improved MRE’s were pretty good.

My mother Alice said “she would fix my lunch of peanut butter sandwiches or some of the previous night’s dinner leftovers every school day, but bring home some of the food that was being thrown away.” Mother added that the good book says “waste not want not!”

So I brought some of the uneaten lunch food home and fed it to my Beagle Charlie, who bolted from the kitchen howling and he grabbed my math homework eating it as an antacid.

Principal Smith was very understanding and concerned, as the George Patton Middle school was losing money by throwing food away and suggested I write First Lady Michelle about my experience.

Please Michelle can us school kids have K Rations, C Rations or MREs for lunch? Even Sh*t on a Shingle would be better than the stuff we’re getting now!

Sincerely, Lucy

3 Responses to “The Dog Ate My Homework”

  1. Captain america

    Nov 25th, 2014

    …hey…you left out desert: Monkey Balls!
    (Stewed prunes!)

    • Walter Bucket

      Nov 25th, 2014

      Demand a peanut butter and banana sandwich. That will get you through the day and suppertime, a good old banana and peanut butter sandwich on toast.

      -The King

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 26th, 2014

    Dear Michelle:

    During a cleanup of some of the decaying buildings at Ft. Clinton AR a 1000 tons of freeze-dried Sh*t on a shingle and 100 tons of Monkey Balls were found. These items are being shipped to the White House for your Thanksgiving dinner.

    By Order of SECDEF

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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