by E. Williams on 12/12/14 at 5:48 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
In front of congressional heavyweights on Capitol Hill today, Jonathan Gruber, the smartest man in his own mind, instead played dumb during a hearing today about previous statements the MIT economist had made concerning the deception he used to help sell Obamacare.
When Congressman Darrel Issa questioned Gruber about his previous Jedi mind tricks, Gruber asked if he might be permitted to approach the Committee. “Of course, Mr. Gruber.”
Mr. Gruber then began speaking as he slipped into Phil Hartman’s character and meandered through the maze of people crowded into the room.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the Committee, I come before you as a humble economist from MIT. As stated here today, I did work on crafting some of the parts of Obamacare. But I meant no harm to my fellow citizens when I did so. I’m just a caaaaveman. Your world frightens and confuses me. I don’t understand your smartphones, and your fantasy football leagues. I’m just a simple man who was trying to solve a problem. These big words you use like ‘mandate’ and ‘provisions’ are foreign to me. If I came across in my lectures as speaking down to Americans and their shallow intellect, that will be up to my legal team to decide whether I’m sorry or not. But keep in mind, I’m just a caveman…”
Mr. Gruber clearly won over the tough crowd as he returned to his seat.
Congressman Trey Gowdy, the toughest hombre on the panel, even complimented Gruber on his succinct and contrite statement. Gruber responded, saying, “I think you meant that as a compliment, Congressman, but I don’t understand some of the words you used. After all, I’m just a simple caveman.”
Mr. Gowdy countered, “Well, Mr. Gruber, maybe you should have written Obamacare in such simple language that even a caveman could understand it?” The chamber erupted in laughter and they all decided to adjourn for the day.