Al Sharpton Instructs All Blacks to Keep Hands in the Air at All Times

by on 13/12/14 at 6:51 am

Since the 'Hands Up' movement has gone viral, retailers like Best Buy and WalMart report shoplifting at a 25 year low. In Chicago, residents report that disgusting crotch grabbing while speaking habit has almost ceased amongst blacks under the age of 25.

Since the ‘Hands Up’ movement has gone viral, retailers like Best Buy and WalMart report shoplifting at a 25 year low.
In Chicago, residents report that disgusting crotch grabbing and holding their junk while speaking to others habit has almost ceased amongst blacks under the age of 25.

CHICAGO – (satireworld.com)

At a meeting yesterday that included other race hustlers, Rev. Al Sharpton insisted that all blacks keep their hands permanently raised in the event they are shot by police. “We, as a people, must eliminate the confusion so many witnesses have when recounting whether one of our brothers or sisters had they hands up as if to surrender when they was shot by the police. Therefore, I would just axe all of you to constantly keep yo hands raised at all times, even when sleeping.”

So far they have been a few issues with Rev. Sharpton’s directive. Numerous car accidents have occurred as black drivers try to steer their cars with their knees. Making turns is a bitch without using your hands and, apparently dangerous too. Blacks also have to have someone else reach into their pockets anytime they are at a store and need to pay for something.

Most blacks now have to find someone to help them eat since using utensils would require them to have to lower their hands and, as we all know, that’s just the time a cop would happen to walk by and cap their ass for no reason whatsoever.

It may be seen as a major inconvenience, but Mr. Sharpton says it’s the only way to eliminate any doubt. “From now on, it will be assumed that any black man shot for any reason had his hands raised and was trying to surrender. This will put every officer in the position of being guilty of shooting a defenseless black, whether that black man was armed or not.”

The Reverend reminded all racist white people to please be courteous and open doors for blacks since having to lower their hands to open a door would again be a prime opening for a police officer to very likely take a shot at them for no reason.

Since Ferguson signaled the beginning of black hunting season by police officers, it’s a good thing Rev. Al is on top of things, coming up with winning solutions to the problems black people face on a daily basis. They are lucky to have such a smart leader.

So if your black friends seem unusually quiet on social media lately, cut them some slack….it’s hard to type with your hands in the air.



8 Responses to “Al Sharpton Instructs All Blacks to Keep Hands in the Air at All Times”

  1. Captain america

    Dec 13th, 2014

    ….goin need a signing translator to interpret all those gang signs
    on MSNBC……

  2. Walter Bucket

    Dec 13th, 2014

    Should lead to some interesting football games this weekend, especially if the Center is black.

  3. Captain america

    Dec 13th, 2014

    …hands off my junk!

  4. E. Williams

    Dec 13th, 2014

    Because of the new guidelines, the number one thing blacks are great at? Riding rollercoasters!

  5. Philbert of Macadamia

    Dec 13th, 2014

    The only exceptions are the Reverend’s Al and Jesse, who can now go around picking the pockets of all those Black people who have their hands in the air!

  6. Philbert of Macadamia

    Dec 13th, 2014

    BREAKING NEWS: The Reverend Al Sharpton has been named the chairman of the Knockout Games Olympics to be held in NYC next year.

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