by Walter Bucket on 02/01/15 at 7:11 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. Despite their names, most ladies who work for “Welcome Wagon” are the biggest gossips and liars in their town. (“So ya’ll come from Las Vegas? Welcome to Ashville. Your wife going to work at a whorehouse here too?”)
2. Although those “Singing Bass” hung on the American walls between the living room and the bathroom can be a great joke on someone headed for the john, not so with the new “Singing Ass!” (“Sounds like you didn’t make it in time, Francis!”)
3. The word “TIP” comes from “To insure privates” in case you have a clumsy waiter/waitress with a coffee pot filled with steaming hot coffee!
4. There were no geriatrics until 1951. Before that they were referred to as “Old Farts” or “Long in the Tooth”.
5. “Cowhands” get their name from having a disease where their thumb and trigger finger divide from the other three fingers. Sort of like a cloven hoof.
6. “William Tell’s son later shot his old man in the ass with a rock from a slingshot. “Just testing my theory of “Broad side of a barn, Dad!”
7. Male Gibbon monkeys can sing songs together in the jungle. One group that has been recorded are the GeeBees.
8. All Polar Bears do not hibernate during the winter. Especially if, by luck, he gets a bed next to a red hot female who gives him a wink and a wiggle.
9. Most people who met Martha Washington say that the woman simple oozed sex appeal.
10. TRUE/FALSE: Only rumored at present, but people are saying that Anthony Weiner may be poking his head into politics again in 2016!
11. TRUE/FALSE: Louisville man’s excuse in December on peeping tom charges after being arrested for the third time: “I was watching my favorite TV programs! I can’t afford cable but most couples can and I was only looking into their windows to watch the shows on the TV they had in the bedroom. Can I help it if he’s taken Cialis and it clicks in just as the last part of my thriller was at it’s climax and forgot and joined in with his yelling?”
12. Camel’s hair brushes are not made from a camel’s hair but from their eyelashes.
13. The word “Clodhopper” comes from England where a family named Clod had difficulty walking and hopped everywhere they went.
14. TRUE: Over 100 million years ago, hybrid dinosaurs didn’t have to eat as much or as often as the other dinosaurs.
15. Almost twenty years after the death of Jerry Garcia, group sold the rights to the term “Deadhead” to Viagra.