by Walter Bucket on 25/01/15 at 6:54 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS
1. Subscribers to Obamacare learn too late that it does not cover accidents while shaving pubic hair. However, it pays full costs for complete Appendix replacement.
2. False: (Happened in Kansas) In New Mexico, a man in a flying lawn chair went off course in 2013 and went straight into a large cloud full of thunder and lightning. Safely exiting from the other side with a 1960s Bob Dylan hairdo and in a voice like Tiny Tim, he yelled, “The Lawn Chair and I are One!”
3. In 2011, Honda recalled over 200,000 cars whose GPS system was hacked by a rival and constantly played “Brahm’s Lullaby” causing drivers to go to sleep.
4. TRUE: Old Lady talked by friends into riding a Segway at Disney World shoots down the street screaming and leaving a brown and yellow trail behind her.
5. T/F: In early 2015, first Japanese robot surgeons joked about “First we remove the scrotum…..hee hee hee…joke to cheer up patient…………Where patient?”
6. Most immigrants that enter the United States say they will not be taking jobs from Americans. “We plan to be self-employed meth makers. What are they going to do, deport us?”
7. A cockroach can live a long time without a head if he can keep finding other cockroaches with donor cards.
8. UNPROVEN: Louis the 16th of France last words before being beheaded were, “Just a little off the top, please.”
9. UNPROVEN: House sitter in Arkansas mistakes urn on bookshelf as a fancy ashtray. Returning from their family trip the 11-year-old says, “Look Mama. Uncle Nabob is smoking again!”
10. TRUE: The Pillsbury Doughboy denies that his mother was a cheap street doughnut Hole!
11. The phrase, “I used to hate him, till I ate him”, comes from New Guinea.
12. TRUE: Fights over who has control of the TV remote are the 5th leading killer in the United States, up from 12th just two years ago.
13. Japanese WWII Vets say that it has taken a long time for their nuclear meltdown junk to get to the west coast of the U.S. but that the Atomic Bombs dropped on two Japanese cities have finally been avenged.
14. Scientists and physicians say Buzzard Flu worse than Bird Flu and Chicken Flu combined! “You can still catch it after you’re dead”, admits Doc.
15. TRUE: Former Congressman Barney Frank hospitalized while attending party at private club. Apparently Mr. Frank had somehow swallowed a penis ring.