by Philbert of Macadamia on 26/01/15 at 5:36 pm
Washington DC: (satireworld.com)
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest has signaled that President Obama will make a major policy speech on his return from Saudi Arabia. The president will refute “Global Warming” as a hoax created by former Democratic Vice President Al Gore.
The president will state the real culprit is Global Cooling (GC) being caused by our Sun burning out in 5 billion years +/- a million years and the US and other nations of the world must act together with the UN to avert this crisis. This world action must be taken swiftly, according to President Obama.
The president added that if not for former Republican President George W Bush this problem could have been solved earlier. He will also ask the Reverend Al Sharpton to outline the racial impacts of the GC problem on African Americans.
The president has asked NASA, EPA, NOAA, DOE, the UN and their equivalent foreign country agencies to begin studying the GC technical problems and to make recommendations as soon as possible. First Lady Michelle and the USDA will be examining the effects of public school lunches on the GC problem.
The president will ask the Republican controlled Congress to create a new federal government agency the Kinetic Global Blackguards (KGB) to aid the IRS in collecting the new taxes to be proposed to congress to solve the GC problem. These proposed new taxes are to be levied on all USA residents, including illegal immigrants:
- A tax on all stock/bond transactions
- A 50% tax on inheritances
- A 50% income tax increase
- A value added tax on everything
- A tax on people’s first born, specifically by different husbands
- A fracking (no misspelling) tax
- A college tuition tax
- A pole tax (dancers only)
Rumors have been spreading about the GC problem increase in taxes, such that the White House has been surrounded by protestors on both sides of the issue. Liberals carrying placards proclaiming “MORE TAXES NEEDED,” “SAVE THE POOR” and “SAVE THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS.” Conservatives carrying placards proclaiming “SAVE THE MIDDLE CLASS,” “NO NEW TAXES” and “IMPEACH OBAMA.” The Congressional phone and email systems have been inundated with messages and Faxes.
President Obama plans to visit all 193 member countries of the UN General Assembly, in his last two years in office, to build support for solving the GC problem. He might just have some time to play a little golf on the trip.
In other news former VP AL Gore was seen being transported via his private jet to a Psychological Facility in Tennessee, noted for treating nervous breakdowns!