by Philbert of Macadamia on 06/02/15 at 8:21 pm
Washington DC: (satireworld.com)
Former President Barack Obama will move on to his next endeavor at 12:01 PM on January 20, 2017 as his Pre-Owned Foreign Car Lot on K Street opens for business. Mr. Obama plans to cater to all those low information people who voted for him, twice. (New cars will also be sold at this site.)
Currently K Street is not zoned for used car lots or manufacturing plants or automobile paint shops, but former President Obama will write an executive order, oops!
The cars available include (All the cars only come in Washington Redskins colors, logo optional.):
- New and pre-owned Russian Lada, GAZ, Tagaz, UAZ, KaMAZ imported cars. Mr. Obama’s silent partner is President Vladimir Putin, who has influence in the Russian Federation.
- Late model Yugo’s (1985 -2008) will be located in upscale scrap yards in the USA and refurbished.
- East German (1975 -1989) Trabant is an environmental nightmare that will be refurbished. Mr. Obama has former Attorney General Eric Holder as his litigator, charged with thwarting EPA environmental regulations and National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) automobile safety regulations. The German Government can’t wait to export these machines from their upscale dump sites.
- A new line of Cuban -American vintage cars (1955 -1965) financed by US taxpayer loans from the International Monetary Fund (IMF). Spare parts for these antique Cuban-American cars and relics of the cold war will be made in a factory on K Street, providing jobs for ex-White House staffers.
- A franchise is being negotiated with the Chinese Government for their new line of import cars, as Mr.Obama is employing former President Richard Nixon’s White House staff members who are alive, well and out of jail.
A staff of trained knowledgeable “professionals” will handle all customer needs and issues while Mr. Obama is traveling or playing golf, in addition to those previously mentioned.
- Publicity will be handled by the Public Relations firm of Gibbs, Carney and Earnest, former White House Press Secretaries.
- Former DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz will be out front on K Street, dressed as Kim Kardashian, twirling a sign board proclaiming OBAMA’s USED CARS and simultaneously “twerking.” (Senior White House Advisor Valerie Jarrett graciously refused the position.)
- Former Secretary of State John Kerry will be in charge of customer service functions.
- Former IRS executive Lois Lerner will be doing the accounting and keeping two sets of books.
- Former VP Joe Biden will be running the Parts Department, including working in the paint shop.