Time Travel Back to the Future With Barack and Doc

by on 07/02/15 at 7:07 am

Doc: "I figured the smartest thing to do was to go back in time to Kenya and find this idiot's father and have a long talk with him."

Doc: “I figured the smartest thing to do was to go back in time to Kenya and find this idiot’s father and have a long talk with him.”


After the meeting with Doc Brown..... Onyango Obama: "Look, I'm afraid I'm going to break this off...You know, our relationship." Ann Dunham: "Why?" Onyango: "Well, the boys down at the Racoon Lodge say they all caught a case of the drippies from you and there was even a some white doctor there who talked to me about it and said my dick might turn white. I can't go back to Kenya without my dick."

DOC BROWN SAVES AMERICA!

After the meeting with Doc Brown and Onyango Obama…..
Onyango: “Look, I’m afraid I’m going to break this off…You know, our relationship.”

Ann Dunham: “But why?”

Obama: “Well, the boys down at the Raccoon Lodge say they all caught a real bad case of the leakies from going out with you and there was even a some white doctor there who personally talked to me about it and said my dick might turn white, shrivel up, and then fall off. I can’t go back to Kenya without my dick! Know wut I’m saying? I definetely need’s my dick in Kenya!”

HILL VALLEY – (satireworld.com)

Slowing his DeLorean as he cruised down Main Street, Doc Brown, known from the Back to the Future films, pulls to the curb alongside President Barack Obama as he strolls down the sidewalk.

Doc: “Barack, get in! We haven’t a moment to waste!”

Barack: “What’s up, Doc?”

Doc: “Get in! Hurry! We have to go back in time to see if the policy of “Strategic Patience” you are exercising toward ISIS would have helped save the lives of millions in earlier times!”

Barack: “Of course it will work,” Barack said as he got in the car. “Nobody is smarter than me. I’m sure we can fix things, no problem.”

Doc: “First we head back to the Civil War in the 1860’s.” Eighty-eight miles per hour later and the duo disappear in a flash only to find themselves in a grassy field as a battle rages in front of them. “Well, do something!” Doc shouted. “People are dying out there!”

Barack: “Calm down, Doc. If we just give them all some space and don’t do anything, both sides will come to their senses and realize what they’re doing is wrong.”

Fast forward a few years later, and Doc sees that Barack’s strategy is not accomplishing anything and, in fact, more lives are lost in this reality than all the lives lost in the original Civil War.

Doc: “This is pointless! Let’s try another time. Hold on!” With that, the duo sped toward the 1940’s in Germany. They pulled up just outside a concentration camp where they saw human skeletons who were practically begging for death instead of the hell on earth they were living in under Hitler’s rule.

Doc: “Well, do something! Have you ever imagined such suffering? It is unthinkable that these atrocities should ever take place in our civilized world!  We have to change history and save these people from certain death!”

Barack: “Just give them time. I’m sure Hitler will come to his senses, repent, and free all of these prisoners in short order. I’ll talk to him and that should take care of things. By the way, where is FDR? Can’t he take care of this one?”

Doc: “Oh, no. YOU are the President in this reality. It’s up to you to win this war for the allies.”

Fast forward five years and the death toll for Jews has skyrocketed.

Doc: “You idiot! Because of your “do nothing, non-strategy strategy,” the Jewish death toll is now 15 million! That’s over twice what the original death toll was! Get in! We’ve got to go somewhere else now.”

After a flash, the pair arrive in 2025.

Barack: “What country are we in?” he asked as he surveyed Muslim women and children everywhere he looked.

Doc: “This is America! You’ve been out of office for almost ten years and America is becoming more of a Muslim nation. There are more mosques now than Starbucks!  The Middle East is on fire and what used to be England is now called the Islamic Kingdom! Hundreds of thousands have been killed by ISIS there and tens of thousands of Americans have been killed by terrorist attacks that were orchestrated by ISIS in this country!”

Barack: “Then my work is done!” he said with a smile on his face.

Doc: “You fucking moron! This is what your “Strategic Patience” accomplished. Thanks for nothing. Get the fuck out of my car!” he shouted as he kicked Barack out of the passenger door and onto the curb. “I’m going back to some time in the past when America was the country I knew and loved so I can work to keep you from being elected in the first place! Maybe I’ll even give your mom a condom.”

Eighty-eight miles per hour later and Doc was off in a flash to a better place.



6 Responses to “Time Travel Back to the Future With Barack and Doc”

  1. Bargis

    Feb 7th, 2015

    Maybe ‘Doc’ can borrow Peabody’s ‘WayBack Machine’ and send Barry back to the 10th century on a white horse!

  2. E. Williams

    Feb 7th, 2015

    Good idea. He can learn about the Crusades firsthand.

  3. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 7th, 2015

    How come the people of tbe USA can’t see the asshole for what he really is after 6 years of his appeasment policies?

  4. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 7th, 2015

    How come the people of tbe USA can’t see the asshole for what he really is after 6 years of his appeasment policies?

    Good piece EW.

  5. E. Williams

    Feb 7th, 2015

    Thanks, it’s frustrating as hell isn’t it? Thank God for satire or I’d be going crazy by now.

  6. Walter Bucket

    Feb 8th, 2015

    For one thing, high school and college kids go to school with a liberal funnel on their heads. For another, not all that many younger people watch the national or international news. Too many ‘into’ their own world of gizmos & glamour.

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