(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS……..according to Nopes! #136

by on 17/02/15 at 6:22 am

Debbie Dubois tried the rowing machine at the YMCA, but found the snack machine much more user friendly

Debbie Dubois tried the rowing machine at the YMCA, but found the snack machine much more user friendly

(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents: TRUE FACTS

1. During a blind study conducted at several malls, most people couldn’t tell the difference between a Babe Ruth Candy Bar and a chocolate-coated Corn Turd.

2. A law still on the books in New York City is that a woman can clearly show one breast while the baby uses it but in order to stay within the law, she cannot show both unless they are twins.

3. Worst movie of the year? “This Is A Good Day To Let One Fly!” (Star Trek Next Generation #5) with the runner up being “Collecting Bernie’s Parts” (#7).

4. The Late Jonathan Winters pushed up more daisies this year than anyone else.

5. Jelly Beans still outsell Jelly Potatoes, 500 to 1.

6. 90% of all people who go to the Exercise Center say that their favorite machine to operate is the snack machine.

7. Three hospitalized and several others limped away from dance floor as Kim Kardashian twerked and knocked over some 12 others while losing control of that booty once it started moving. Crowd still looking for her dance partner.

8. A good investment is to purchase all the 1950-1960 dollar bills you can because those are worth five times what today’s dollars are worth, according to the latest studies.

9. Before the Wright Brothers went flying their airplane themselves, they sent up a dog and a monkey.

10. During hunting season in North Carolina, it is illegal to shoot a bear while it is shitting in the woods!

11. TRUE: Leonardo da Vinci also drew sketches of today’s toothpicks. Amazing the things that man was foreseeing!

12. February, 2012: People of Retarded Nature organized and proposed that the word “Retard” be dropped from a Flying Jackass! The Supreme Court stated that they understood what they meant and declared “Retard” a racist word, except Judge Ginsburg who wanted to discuss the part about the ‘Flying Jackass”, until someone explained that the Retards often lose what they started talking about.

13. Now we know why the Massachusetts Groundhog, Captain Kennedy, shat all over the hands that pulled him out of his warm hole as he slid back in. “Ayeh, they shudda known a bad wintoor was ta continue ta set recorrrds.”

14. Lowest number of bullets you are allowed to carry in a concealed registered gun? One.

15. The original Mr.Ed, The Talking Horse, was burned as a witch.

-Walter Bucket

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