State Dept Spox on ISIS: “We Need Less Killing, More Jobs For Them”

by on 18/02/15 at 6:31 am

All ISIS leader Nobi Mohammed wants is a US government loan so he can open an ice cream shop in Detriot using his family's secret camel milk recipe. "I pay back, promise!"

All ISIS leader Nobi Mohammed wants is a US government business loan so he can open an ice cream shop in Detriot using his family’s secret camel milk recipe. “I pay back, promise!” Nobi also says he’ll bring in 27 male relatives from Syria to help out so he won’t have to bother anyone.

UK imam Anjem Choudary says he'd love a US job as in customer relations

UK imam Anjem Choudary says he’d love a US job as a customer relations specialist at some cool place like Los Alamos New Mexico.

Several young muslims wait to fill out an emplyment form at the US embassy in Kabul...Haji, Tor, and  Mohammed say they want a good job at a Burger King in Detroit or New York City so they can get 72 virgins promised by the Obama Administration.

Several young muslims wait to fill out an employment form at the US embassy in Kabul…Haji, Ali, and Mohammed say they want a good job at a Burger King in Detroit or New York City so they can get the 72 virgins promised by the Obama Administration spokesperson and virgin, Marie Harf.

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)

For reasons why the Untied States is losing the fight with ISIS, one need look no further than the State Department Sorority Girls, Marie Harf and Jen Psaki. Marie Harf was on Hardball with Chris Matthews last night because Jen had a makeup exam at college yesterday. The spot with Harf highlights where the administration’s head is at with regard to “fighting” and “degrading” ISIS.

While ISIS proudly flaunts each new batch of outrageous barbaric acts for the world to see, Harf explained what is really needed in the struggle against evil: “We cannot win this war by killing them. The shortage of job opportunities in the region is really the root cause for their acts of violence and savagery.” I know, my head nearly exploded too.

For an administration that vilifies capitalism, they now seem ready to carpet bomb the Middle East with convenience stores, Taco Bells, Super 8 Motels, and McDonald’s and flood the region with $15/hr. minimum wage jobs. Maybe they’re thinking the fighters will be so busy making a “run for the border” they’ll become too dehydrated to fight? Won’t they just create all the terrible problems they detest in this country like income inequality if they pursue this plan?

I have to admit, I for one am sick and tired of seeing the constant parade of ISIS videos with the fighters holding up signs saying “Will Stop Beheading For Food.” Aren’t you? This reminds me of World War II when we tried to blanket Germany with White Castle hamburger joints. All that did was keep the German soldiers well fed and we still had to storm the beaches of Normandy. Fortunately, our boys were able to hit the 7-11’s on the beach so they could grab some beef jerky and a Slurpee before making their final push into Germany.

Being well versed in the Koran, Harf has clearly studied the book enough to know it teaches that if the unemployment rate hits above 7% then, and only then, are all working age males instructed to turn to Islam and jihad as a last resort. Once again, it appears capitalism is the answer. Why they don’t understand that it works in this country too is beyond me. But then I’m not nearly as smart as Harf and her fancy librarian glasses.



7 Responses to “State Dept Spox on ISIS: “We Need Less Killing, More Jobs For Them””

  1. Bargis

    Feb 18th, 2015

    The whole state department is full of liberal nitwits who most likely still live in their parent’s basement…Great story.

  2. Walter Bucket

    Feb 18th, 2015

    They should make great butchers. That’s probably why all the videos. Just trying to get ahead.

    Great satire.

  3. Captain america

    Feb 18th, 2015

    …..bet they all got scholarships too!
    All Tri Delts in college!

    Just another reason to either switch channels or turn off the tube..
    And the admin isn’t even embarrased… Of course they’re used
    To that ear sucker Biden…

  4. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 18th, 2015

    Marie Harf should be fired for being a liberal moron and a waste of taxpayer dollars.

    VP Joe Biden is that idiot uncle you keep the kids away from at Thanksgiving, Christmas and other holiday family dinners!

  5. Philbert of Macadamia

    Feb 18th, 2015

    The White House is hesitant to call the attack on a Paris France newspaper office that killed 12 people and an attack on a Copenhagen Denmark Synagogue killing one person and wounding others an act of Islamic Terrorism.

    President Obama still believes people shouting “Hey, we avenged the Prophet Muhammad” and “Allah Akbar” might just be Druids!

  6. E. Williams

    Feb 18th, 2015

    Breaking: Marie Harf just insisted that the 21 Christians from Egypt “lost their heads” but were in no way beheaded.

    Also, Jihadists by the thousands are now shouting their new battle cry, “Allahu Job Fair!” as they carry out their attacks.

  7. Captain america

    Feb 19th, 2015

    ….Marie Barf now moving on as CEO of Sony?

    Don’t believe 80% of country has any idea what’s going on…or cares!

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