by Walter Bucket on 19/02/15 at 4:46 pm
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. Winners of the 2014 Worst New Fast Food Dishes That Were Scrapped: #1. Papa John’s Haggis on a Flatbread Pizza. 2. Jack In The Box Mini-Trough of Eggs, Meat and Tater Melt. 3. Krispy Kreme’s Mystery-Filled Long Johns! 4. Captain D’s Whole Frog Chowder! Congratulations to these companies and consolations to those still puny after the taste tests.
2. After the 2014 remake of “The Big Sheep”, critics say it was no worse than the original.
3. TRUE: If you plan to throw a pie in North Korean Leader’s face and get skinned alive, I’d at least get a double sized pie as he has a face like it’s hit several walls already.
4. Excuses that draw the attention of Internal Revenue Service: “My house, my accountant’s house and my bank all burned to the ground. I guess I’m just unlucky. ”
5. F U goo to Goggle and inter hit “Compooter will nut burse into flams butt shew nakkeds” (ATTENTION! We at Nopes did not list this. We only heard about it through the explosions all over town. Could be a hack.)
6. First “All Klingon Cable Channel” to begin July 1st, 2015.
7. Magazine with last known photograph of Walter Lantz shows him looking dead as a peckerwood.
8. TRUE: According to historians, India first came to the Americas before Columbus or Vikings. They got here by levitating across the ocean while in a trance. So “Indians” it is! No more of this Native American crap.
9. Grandmaster Champion George Koltanowaki once defeated 49 chess opponents while blindfolded. However, he missed reaching his goal of defeating 100 opponents when he fell over a cat and knocked over the other 51 tables like dominos.
10. “Anonymous” threaten to reveal members of the KKK again after Klan threatened to blow up The History Channel if they show anymore documentaries where the Confederate States were losing.
11. Many astronomers admit that they study the neighborhood about as much as they study the heavens.
12. January 12, 2015: Police nab over 40 al Qaeda agents in the U.S. by faking “72 Virgins Party” Sting in Boston.
13. Although Wild Bill Hickok may have been holding Aces and Eights in his hand when he was shot and killed, but those there say that his last words were: “Go Fish!”.
14. TRUE: 2016 Super Bowl will feature 30-second commercials between each play. Many say that that will throw off both team’s timing!
15. Santa Claus agrees to hand over his “Naughty” list to FBI, CIA and nerds everywhere. When asked why, he just shrugged. However an elf whispered, “They were threatening to shoot the reindeer and eat them if the old Fart didn’t give up that list! Wouldn’t mind getting a glance, myself.”