by E. Williams on 20/02/15 at 2:09 pm
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
President Obama was admitted to a DC area hospital today after complaining to aides of dizziness. After an initial examination, doctors determined the President was suffering from vertigo, due to his constant spinning on religion lately. The vertigo was the worst during and just after the President’s remarks today at the conclusion of the Summit of Ignoring Violent Extremism.
“We went over a treatment plan with the President and encouraged him to stop bullshitting the American public so much,” Doctor Ethan Downs told us. “He just can’t seem to live life out of the classroom and still believes, to this day, that he can talk a subject to a favorable conclusion. His dizziness stems from the circular logic and semantics he always utilizes which, while they sound pretty to his believers, ultimately lead nowhere.”
“For instance, this ‘Summit’ to stop violence or whatever is not going to convince anybody that anything constructive is being accomplished when he essentially invites a collection of Islam’s ‘Al Sharptons’ to the White House to solve the problem. Then, he comes out and spins the outcome of those meetings so hard that Josh Earnest and even Jay Carney bowed at his lying, saying, “We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!”
“Also, he walks out two weeks ago and announces that Christians were guilty of waging terror in the name of Christianity during the Crusades, then comes out today and tells the world that ‘People’ NOT ‘Religion’ wage terror when it comes to Islam and ISIS. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. When you try to do that you have to spin so fast, ask people to suspend their beliefs, and come off as nothing but a hypocrite. If you do that as often as the President does, sooner or later it’s going to catch up to you. The body just can’t take that over the long term and, eventually, something like this happens.”
“We told the President that if he wanted this condition to go away he would need to confront his fear of offending Muslims and stop being an Islamic sympathizer for a change. We started an office pool here at the hospital as to whether he will do that. The smart money is on NO.”