Out of Ideas, Administration Turns to Twitter For Terrorism Advice

by on 22/02/15 at 6:51 am

New York's recent 'Parade of the Humongus Penis' showed the popularity of tirning the war into an envy match.

New York’s recent ‘Parade of the Healthy Humongus Penis’ showed the popularity of turning the war into an envy match. So far there have been reports of defections by ISIS fighters looking to ‘fill out their jockstraps’ in time for Ramaden.


Democratic strategist Kwanda Jones shjowed viewers on KTYD TV how the State Department was moving ahead by 'accidently' dropping XXXXL condoms with US Army markings all over Syria and Iraq.

Democratic strategist Kwanda Jones showed viewers on KTYD TV how the State Department was moving ahead by ‘accidently’ dropping XXXXL condoms with US Army markings all over Syria and Iraq. According to Jones the condoms could easily cover a 10 pound fire extinguisher.

BIGGER IS BETTER! One suggestion proved to be popular....Scare the ISIS fighters with penis messages alluding to the fact that westerners have  bigger ones.  This proved to bne popular with the under-endowded crowd in the State Department.

BIGGER IS BETTER!
One Twitter suggestion from constituent B.Tryhol proved to be popular….Scare the ISIS fighters with big penis messages alluding to the fact that westerners have way bigger ones. This proved to be popular with the under-endowded crowd in the State Department.

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld,com)

On Friday, the State Department, under the masterful tutelage of Secretary of State John Kerry, released a statement asking folks on Twitter to submit ideas on how to combat violent extremism. The administration will compile lists of the best ideas and submit them to the President in about a month. Already, brilliant ideas have begun rolling in.

Conservatives on Twitter were divided about which part of this idea was worse – that the clueless jackasses in the administration are turning to Twitter for ideas, or that the administration is counting on good ideas coming from left-leaning Tweeters who still haven’t figured out what clueless jackasses the people in the administration are.

Some of the suggestions that have popped up so far include dotting the Middle East with shopping malls to give ISIS members a distraction, telling ISIS leaders that the people of Antarctica have been dissing the Quran to trick them into relocating there instead, to supplying all militants with high-speed internet and cable TV. They will get fat and lazy like the American voter and lose the will to fight.

Mr. Kerry lamented one tweet in particular. “This gentleman from Indiana said he had a foolproof plan to stop violent extremism. But just when he was going to tell the world what his plan was he hit the 140 count and ran out of characters. Sadly, we may never know his solution that could have saved the world.”

Some recommendations are already being discounted. State Department spokesgal, Jen Psaki, said, “Some people are missing the point. They’re sending us tweets about how to defeat terrorism in the Middle East and how to defeat ISIS. What we’re more focused on is the hardcore terrorism that is homegrown here in the United States from right-wing Tea Party types. That’s the real threat our country faces.”



One Response to “Out of Ideas, Administration Turns to Twitter For Terrorism Advice”

  1. Walter Bucket

    Feb 22nd, 2015

    A real weiner of a story!

    Good one!

Leave a Reply