by Walter Bucket on 25/02/15 at 4:25 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. In France, “The Mime Murders” continue to this date as the villain hasn’t left many clues. Police there say a fifth victim was found early today, suffocated within his locked-from-the-outside, invisible cube. “You could see where he had scratched the inside as he gasped for air”, stated the woman who found him. “That is, I could have seen them if they had been visible.”
2. Astronomers have announced that the former planet, Pluto, has left our solar system and seems to be headed for Sirius, the Dog Star!
3. Congratulations to Mississippi as 60% of her high school students have finished all 12 grades in 2014.
4. According to the 2010 Census, only 562 Heads of households were named Agamemnon, the lowest number ever recorded.
5. Elephants are pregnant twice as long as human females. When the little guy gets fully grown, he/she will weigh twice as much as a fully-grown human as of 2009.
6. Mickey Rooney’s last words were, “I Do!”.
7. Only one person has actually been documented as turning green with envy.
8. The #2 game played at most nursing homes after Bingo, is Kick Boxing.
9. Kit Carson killed a lot of Native Americans but his family argue that he was upset about them always pointing to him and going, “Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!”
10. Ed Sullivan invented the Limbo!
11. Wild Bill Hickok had a grandson, Mild Bob Hickok, who was also shot to death after winning a game of Tiddly Winks!
12. Which car dealership has won the most visited and sold the most cars for the fifth year in a row? It’s “Thong-City Ford” in Florida!
13. Goose Mountain has dropped it’s “Toilet Paper Shaped Like Leaves” as most campers still use real leaves. They say there is only one chance in twenty that they grab up a handful of poison ivy with the leaves, while hunkered in the dark.
14. Overheard lingo on secret hidden mikes from Mafia hits: “Donating all his organs”, “Will be voting Democrat by proxy” and “Playing harp with Lennon and Harrison”.
15. With gays in the military now out of the closet, no one gets insulted anymore for being called a “Candy Ass!”