“Snow Guilt” Settling in For Bostonians, Psychologists Say

by on 27/02/15 at 2:28 pm

Several groups of enterprising Bostonians have started rolling large snowballs downhill hoping to hit New York City

Several groups of enterprising Bostonians have started rolling large snowballs downhill hoping to hit Yankee Stadium in New York City.

BOSTON – (satireworld.com)

Mental health experts including psychologists, psychiatrists, and even school counselors are reporting a spike in patients presenting a condition they haven’t seen before. More and more Bostonians are reportedly suffering from a new ailment known as “Snow Guilt,” and are seeking professional help.

It appears residents in the greater Boston area are worried that resentment is building across the nation toward them for hoarding all the snow this year. People are starting to feel guilty about the abundance of snow that never seems to quit falling. Reportedly, many residents have even begun stashing snow under their mattresses because there is nowhere else to put it.

Pete Harris said that while he was wandering aimlessly in a snow maze in his backyard, created from piles of snow so deep that he couldn’t see over it, he felt the first signs of snow guilt. “We had been plowing some walkways in the back there with the snow blower and after a while I realized I was lost. The snow was piled so high I couldn’t see over it. I had to use the North Star as a point of reference so I could find my way to the back porch. Scared the hell out of me!”

“I realized what has been happening – we have been getting the whole country’s snow this year, and I felt bad. We didn’t mean for this to happen, I swear. I hope America understands that.”

Therapists all across the city say patients are wringing their hands over how to deal with the situation. People are offering to pay out of their own pockets to ship snow to ski resorts in Montana and Idaho since they’ve had an unusually warm winter with hardly any snow.

Martin Stevenson told us, “I talked to my brother-in-law the other night. He owns a ski resort in Utah and we were talking about how business was going and they’ve been struggling. He asked how much snow we had here. I hated to do it but I lied to him. I just couldn’t rub it in the guy’s face. He tried to sound like he was OK with it, but I could sense some tension there.”

Officials are telling residents to go easy on themselves and reminding them this isn’t their fault. Damn you, global warming!

One Response to ““Snow Guilt” Settling in For Bostonians, Psychologists Say”

  1. Walter Bucket

    Feb 27th, 2015

    Cheer up Boston! Those Yankees never felt any guilt over getting Babe Ruth from you and winning all those championships.

    Begin bragging again about the Boston Celtics Dynasty!

    Light up a cigar! You’ve won the game!

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