by Walter Bucket on 03/03/15 at 5:10 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. In 2002, Honda was ordered to recall over 150,000 cars after customers complained that they had completely left the bottom of the ashtrays out and that several smokers had set their pants on fire. There was a huge lawsuit and the case was taken to the Supreme Court where Spokesperson, Judge Ginsburg stated that they had sided with Honda. “After all, the fact that their pants were on fire proves that the customers were lying.”
2. Many park rangers learn early that finding fingers and eyeballs in bear berryshit is definitely not a good sign that things are going on as normal in the woods.
3. TRUE: 95% of people asked to name a talking horse on television will say, “Mr. Ed”.
4. New Jersey man born with six kidneys refuses to sign donating card. “One of them might fail, then I’d be pissed! Of course, with six kidneys, I’m usually pissed.”
5. President Obama, to show that he is not against hunters & hunting, manages to shoot three polar bears without falling from the helicopter.
6. Animals know when an earthquake is coming a full three seconds before humans realize it. So keep close attention to that dog or cat, and keep sitting on the edge of your seat.
7. On December 21st, 2014, the 99th and 100th “Doobie Tuesdays” were completed in Washington and Colorado!
8. Poll taken at the end of 2014 shows that Illegal Aliens in Florida, Texas and Area 51 from Planet Zeron say they are switching to the GOP in the next presidential election.
9. TRUE: Never ever use a match stick as a sprint on some small animal to help heal it’s broken leg. Nine out of ten times, he will run right under your house.
10. T/F: In the late 1950s, a woman discovered a honeycomb in her beehive hairdo when a trickle of honey ran down her forehead and dripped off her nose.
11. FALSE: Only a fraction of the people who are high-fallutin’ are actually rootin-tootin!
12. TRUE: In 2009, Martha the Elephant of Barnum & Bailey/Ringling Brothers Circus shit a dwarf to death.
13. William Fallow, the agent for the rock group, ‘Duran, Duran’, had a stuttering problem.
14. T/F: In a 2013 survey, most men preferred the perfume “Joy” between a woman’s breasts. Coming in at number Two, “Obsession”!
15. In a study of new books released between 2010 and 2014, Gerald Posner’s “Elvis & The Clogged John Conspiracy” came in dead last.