Sharpton, Holder Want Federal Charges for Hurt Feelings

by on 03/03/15 at 8:13 pm

Tyrone Bell says he's been embarassed by having to wear an orange jumpsuit in prison.  "Sheet man! I gotta wear this mo-fo just for shooting two pizza delivery guys?  It's racism and someone needs to pay."

Tyrone Bell says he’s been embarassed by having to wear an orange jumpsuit in prison.
“Sheet man! I gotta wear this mo-fo just for shooting two pizza delivery guys? It’s racism and someone needs to pay.”


Nateesha Jones agrees....'I felt so humiliated after failing to make the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. I even shaved all of my legs too! Those crackas need to pay!"

Nateesha Jones agrees….’I felt so humiliated after failing to make the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader team. I even shaved every inch of my legs too! Those crackas need to pay!”

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)

After a meeting this week between two mental midgets, Eric Holder and Al Sharpton, it was decided that there needs to be a lower threshold for racist attorneys to be able to bring federal charges against non-blacks in any kind of criminal case involving a black man or woman. They both lamented the fact that they were confined by those silly things called laws and statutes which kept them from bringing additional charges in the Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, and Eric Garner cases.

“It’s high time we get rid of some of the constraints that prevent civil rights lawyers from bringing automatic federal charges against any honky that looks at a black man the wrong way,” Sharpton, who routinely mangles the English language said. “It’s outragetraless how hard it is to make charges stick against a cracka these days!”

Holder was seriously bummed that President Obama can arbitrarily pick and choose which laws he will follow and which ones he will ignore but the prosecutors in criminal cases don’t have that same luxury. “If I had my way, white people would have to obey the law but everyone else could do whatever they wanted. That way whenever there is an incident involving a white man and a black man the case is clear cut. That’s the kind of country I want to live in.”

Sharpton added, “You should be able to prosecute a whitey for just hurting a black man’s feelings. That’s the kind of bottom-of-the-barrel legal threshold we are now seeking. These cases where facts muddy the picture we can paint in the media have to stop. And we intend to take this fight all the way to the Subliminal Court!”



2 Responses to “Sharpton, Holder Want Federal Charges for Hurt Feelings”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Mar 4th, 2015

    AG Holder also ordered that piano players cannot hit the black keys harder than the white keys or they will be subject to arrest!

  2. E. Williams

    Mar 4th, 2015

    Ebony and Ivory, Philbert.

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