by Harold Worth on 06/03/15 at 6:08 am
London, England – (satireworld.com)
British Security Forces went to Defcon security level 11 for the first time since the war in the Falklands, as thousands of Muslim protestors kneeled and prayed on the steps of Parliment in order to force the government to institute more demands for England’s swelling muslim population .
Scotland Yard issued riot gear and tried to enforce the ‘no prayer in public places’ law recently signed by the Prime Minister. The crowd of hajib wearing Muslims were estimated at over 150 thousand. Police feared the 75 portable toilets would be insufficient and asked local business owners to open their doors to allow toilet breaks in order to keep the streets clean and not have a situation like the last Islamic holiday where thousands simply went behind someone’s bush.
Citing a clear and present danger, MI6 alerted its Emergency Response team in anticipation of mass confusion once all the participants complete their prayers and begin searching for their shoes amid the thousands of prayer rugs. Search dogs were being considered and might be brought in to help.
Some of the demands protestors wanted were a direct contradiction of British customs and traditions. One was that Big Ben clock tower be converted to a prayer minarete and to allow a recording to be played twice a day calling the faithful to prayer.
Muslim clerics demanded that the present legal system in England be scrapped and Sharia Law be instituted at once.
Haji Mohammed from Portsmouth wants a suicide bomber test range built so there won’t be so many accidental ignitions. His brother Mohammed wants more adult book stores built in London.
Finally, the last demand was that Buckinham Palace be converted into a mosque and all London pubs must be closed on Fridays and Saturdays, plus refrain from more than 3 hours of business per 24 hour period.
BBC officials have offered to allow English media mongol Mark Lowton to broadcast his personal record collection of intricate and proviocative Islamic Ass music if the demonstrators would lower their voices during afternoon soccer matches.
On Tuesday, busloads of prayer seekers flooded into downtown London as harried parking attendants tried to find enough parking spaces for the buses, cars and assorted Toyota pick-up trucks and their livestock trailers.
The usually staid Englishmen, who are eager to show the world how much they love liberal diversity and intergration into their already overloaded social system, bent and washed the feet of newly arrived Muslim refugees, and promised them an immediate job, free rent, free food, a free car, and for the males, a blowjob by a blonde-haired blue-eyed English lass every Tuesday afternoon.
Queried if there were enough young ladies to do the job, supporters assured the protestors if there weren’t enough ladies available, some brave young dandies would be of assistance since gay men out number straight men in modern England.
In a recent survey of young British citizens between the ages of 18 and 45, a full 88% said Sharia Law is better than Anglican law. A large percentage said capital punishment under Sharia Law should be instituted in Britain as soon as 2018.
Martin Shuttlecock, a 24 year old unemployed punk rocker from Leeds said, “I think if you’re a lousy piano player they should cut off your hands!” His girlfriend Lisa agreed and added, “the same action should apply if you’re a lousy lover!”