by Walter Bucket on 12/03/15 at 5:51 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. An Orangutan taught to throw a baseball very hard was pronounced illegal after White Sox owner Bill Veeck used one in a couple of games in the 1940s. Not only does a Major League player have to be human, he cannot sneak in a shitball from time to time.
2. Before being selected for Jeopardy, tryouts must answer a few remarks by Alex Trebek in the form of a question. For instance, “My Snuggy Little Thong”.
3. Before Clint Eastwood was selected for the No Name Cowboy in the Spaghetti Westerns of the 1960s, Chef Boyardee turned down the role.
4. A new Rock & Roll Nursing Home has also located in Cleveland, to make it easy for visitors to the Hall of Fame to come on over and talk to your wife’s former teenage dream. It’ll cheer you up. (“He was such a handsome hunk on stage!”/ “Well, getting drunk and falling face-first into the fireplace didn’t help.”)
5. Nothing to worry about in Global Warming. If the sidewalks can fry bacon and eggs and you can cook everything at a much lower temperature, it’ll save enough energy to hold heat at a reasonable Florida-like temperature the year around.
6. The first commercials for Campbell’s Soup were done by Soupy Sales.
7. Most tuba players have back trouble by the time they get to age 30.
8. Last Silver Dollar Store closes. Family Silver Dollar Stores expected to close doors any day now. Customers angry that old silver dollars are worth a lot more than the paper ones.
9. TRUE: French customer sues restaurant after finding a roasted cockroach in his order of roasted locusts.
10. T/F: No weatherman in the United States has ever listed his home telephone number or where he lives.
11. T/F During the 1950s and early 1960s, Mr Wizard of TV fame, burned down his house three times, before moving lab into an outside building that he could rebuild on his own.
12. During the 1940s, the owner of a Rolls Royce in England was permitted to drive down the middle of the road as lesser cars pulled over to the side.
13. Godzilla used fuel from the bottom of the sea and flicked a cigarette lighter while exhaling in order to burn up the rest of a town it had not stamped flat.
14. Harpo Marx diary found recently at an old movie studio was a set of five books filled completely with honks!
15. TRUE: The quickest way to sober up while staggering home to the wife at 1 AM is to stop in the dark and piss on an electric fence.