by Walter Bucket on 13/03/15 at 7:07 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. Although General Patton’s last words were reportedly, “This is a hell of a way to die”, a family member close to the bed asked “What do you see, General?” as he passed away, he whispered “Assholes & Elbows… Assholes & Elbows!”
2. The Ottoman Empire included 32 Provinces, and many more Vassal States it called “Footstools”.
3. Before the the passage of the 19th Amendment women weren’t even allowed to shoot rabbits, one of their top demands.
4. In 2008, a North Carolina man had a sex change and renamed himself, Zsa Zsa Goober!
5. The Washington Monument is actually a tribute to the “Father of Our Country’s” penis.
6. The mouth of the jellyfish is also it’s ass. Talk about your food repeating on you.
7. Doughnuts is now the leading cause of the death of policemen, passing both bullets and auto chases.
8. For the tenth time, Loni Anderson has received Louie Anderson’s bra order by mistake.
9. The new “Trojan Hearse Virus” is even worse than the “Trojan Horse Virus”, as it electrocutes users as well as their computers.
10. Only four people left who were born in the United States in the 1800’s. The fifth died last week as the oldest old lady at a nursing home in Georgia. Her only words during her past three years there were, “Yankee Devils!!!”
11. In Egypt, Elvis Presley was known as “The Pharaoh of Rock & Roll!”.
12. When a car crashes, a woman who is wearing a lot of makeup will leave a perfect image of her face on the air bag!
13. Cubans in Florida say that Raul Castro has been working on a hologram of his brother, Fidel, for over two years now.
14. Against their wishes, “The Baby Boomers” name is gradually being changed by today’s youth to that of “Dinosaur Farts”.
15. Comedian Don Rickles first job was as a “Good Humor Traveling Ice Cream Man” and lasted half a day. Now, after all these years, many who grew up there will tell you, “He had every kid within four blocks crying their eyes out! That man ruined my life! The Hockey Puck!!!”