by E. Williams on 13/03/15 at 7:19 am
NEW YORK CITY – (satireworld.com)
During a taping of MSNBC’s Morning Joe show this morning, the nation’s head race pimp, Al Sharpton, stopped mid-sentence and noticed a strange, red substance breaking out on his fingers and dripping down his wrists and forearms when he held his arms up. Sharpton had been in the middle of a rambling, nonsensical attempt to feign outrage over a Ferguson protester(s) shooting of two police officers in the out-of-control town.
“What is this liquid on me? I can’t get it off, it just keeps smearing. Can I have a towel please?” Sharpton asked. “Oh,” host Joe Scarborough said, “That’s just the blood of two shot officers on your hands. You didn’t really think you could work that town into a frenzy and then step away without any consequences, did you?”
While Sharpton tried to clean himself off, elsewhere other incidents of the substance breaking out were taking place. On Capitol Hill, the Congressional Black Caucus members, still holding their arms up in their “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” gesture, noticed something running down their arms and getting all over their clothes. “What’s happening?” shouted Sheila Jackson-Lee. “Is it OK for us to lower our hands? I’ve got to get this off of me!” to which Maxine Waters responded, “I don’t know. Did Rev. Al say we could lower them yet?”
Trey Gowdy happened by, saw the panic among the members, and explained what the substance was. “Live with it, bitches!” he said as he moved on.
Meanwhile, in his office, Attorney General Eric Holder was dismayed to find a red liquid messing up the paper he was writing on. “Sandy!” he shouted to his secretary in the next room. “What the hell is going on? I was in there writing a list of nefarious people for President Obama to pardon just before he leaves office in two years, and this red stuff started dripping from my hands onto the paper. I’ve checked myself and I don’t have a cut or anything.”
“That’s just blood on your hands from the latest shooting of two police officers in Ferguson,” Sandy told him. “Because of your DOJ report blaming the cops for the problems in Ferguson, instead of the criminals, this will happen every time there’s a violent act toward a cop in that town. We just got a call from the White House. The President is having the same problem.”