by Walter Bucket on 16/03/15 at 2:52 pm
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. In ancient Rome, there were terrific chariot jams, especially the horse hockey in the wheels on those in the back. In some instances they were backed up so long, charioteers were forced to eat their horses!
2. A Doctor in Los Angeles, who officially tells an Old Timer when his penis has died, has been found bound and gagged and missing his penis.
3. Before becoming famous for his roles in many western and military movies, John Wayne was a stand-up comic in Wyoming bars.
4. In August, 2001, a clown by the name of “Fonzo” became the first person ever to die from exploding cigar lung cancer!
5. Frugal Early American Presidents and Vice Presidents showered together every morning while discussing the days activities, except the subjects that might bring on an erection.
6. Monarch Butterflies smell worse at their poopa stage.
7. Women now feel a lot safer about walking or early morning jogging in the city parks now that the “Shrinking Penis Spray” has been invented and ten million of them already sold.
8. The original Star Wars being filmed in Texas was switched to California after Ted Nugent took a few pot shots at the Wookie.
9. WalMart, feeling threatened by all the Dollar Stores around big cities and in every small town, are preparing to come out with a new group of “SmallMarts”.
10. FALSE: Customer at Wendys who claimed he found a piece of a rat in his chili has been informed that it was actually only a cute little chipmunk.
11. TRUE: In 2002, a Vanderbilt basketball player, behind by one point with three seconds left, tried to throw the ball to a player in close to the basket. Instead, it went into the basket. After a brief celebration, the referees took the three points and win away because the Vandy player had made his extra long field goal while standing out of bounds.
12. Despite their many differences, many predict that Whoopi Goldberg and Dan Quayle will eventually wind up together.
13. Abraham Lincoln was our tallest President standing at 6-foot, 4-inches, 8-feet with his top hat on.
14. TRUE: In 2014, the United Nations also banned Russia from the International House of Pancakes. In return, a Russian Icebreaker has taken Rudolf aboard and threaten to “give him a free nose job.”
15. Gamblers Advice: “Never ask a man on an elevator at a casino, wearing nothing but a barrel, if the slots are loose!”