by Walter Bucket on 17/03/15 at 9:23 pm
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. TRUE: A little smidgen of Viagra in your child’s milk and cereal will help cause them to walk with a straight back and develop better posture!
2. T/F: Contrary to popular opinion, Real Eskimo Pies were not invented by Eskimos, but by Polar Bears.
3. While visiting Ireland for every 25 people who will ask you to kiss the Blarney Stone while you’re there, at least five will ask you to kiss their ass.
4. On the last season of Happy Days, one episode was left out because of a special announcement from the President. At the end of that never shown episode, Fonzi hits the jukebox with his butt and all the kids including Manager Al flee as the song begins “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, Baby”. “Better get yourself a new jukebox, Al”, says Fonzi. “That one is possessed”, as Richie goes bald!
5. Before the Black and White Televisions were invented, all shows were in Gray and Beige.
6. TRUE: If a woman drinks too much milk, eats too much ice cream and yogurt while pregnant, she will become as big as a cow.
7. T/F: Before ‘Urkels’ catch phrase was “Did I do that?”, it was scheduled to be, “What in the Wide World of Sports is going on?” but the movie “Blazing Saddles” had it out first.
8. What do the astronauts miss the most from their adventures in outer space? Number One: “Just being able to stand there and piss in my special pants anytime I wanted. There was just so much feeling of freedom….”ce n’est pas”… ‘who gives a rat’s ass?'”
9. A person’s heart will actually increase slightly in weight when they fall in love for the first time or see a baby Panda at a zoo.
10. In ancient Egypt their mummification process the mummy’s brain is pulled out through their nose. That’s in case he wasn’t quite dead and if he came back to life, he’d be a complete idiot.
11. Canadian researchers say that Einstein’s brain was 50% smarter than the average person’s brain, according to their “Smart Scale”.
12. Ray Kroc, who founded McDonald’s restaurant, was afraid of clowns.
13. In some remote villages in Africa, any tribes woman who is discovered using a man as her bed covering during a cold night is considered to be married.
14. Moonshiners in Eastern Kentucky have convinced a passing expert on robotics to build them a big robot that will prepare white lightning inside their metal bellies or else they’ll make the expert drink what they have managed to make for themselves.
15. The group formerly known as Gladys Knight and the Pips in the early 1970s have changed their name to Gladys Knight and the Paps, after their 20th grandbaby was born last month.