Michelle Obama Wishes She Had Benefit of #DearMe Campaign During Youth

by on 22/03/15 at 7:07 am

The First Lady also regrets her big booty

The First Lady also regrets her big booty

WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)

Michelle Obama today released the video she made for the #DearMe campaign, The campaign is an attempt for older people to reach today’s youth by passing on words of wisdom gained through life experiences. The videos are shot as if the older person was speaking directly to their younger self.

Mrs. Obama, never one to pass up a good Twitter campaign (that woman does love her some hashtags), spoke of things she wished she had known years ago and of things she would have changed if she had it all to do over again. Here is the transcript from Michelle’s #DearMe video:

“Dear Me, oh the regrets I have as I speak to you now at fifty years of age. I wish that I hadn’t grown up disliking my country so much. I’m Queen of the damn thing now! I should have tried out for the WNBA. I shouldn’t have gotten the operation. I wish I didn’t have this compulsion to control what everybody eats. I’ve made many mistakes, but they haven’t hurt too much since most of them affected other people and were paid for with other people’s money. So don’t be afraid. It’s OK to make plenty of mistakes because, even though you won’t learn from them, they won’t bother you since you can blame each one on someone else (preferably a Republican). Love ya! Oh, and don’t worry about what other people think of you. You’ll do some great things, and never mind that those great things will be for a very small portion of the population. The rest can kiss your ass! And guuurl, let me tell you, you’re going to get to go on some kick ass vacations! Turnip for whut whut? Ha! Bye!”

If this campaign sounds like some kind of strange, time-travel BS, you may be right. Michelle may be lucky that we can’t go back in time because, if we had the ability, and with what we know now, it’s a good bet that she wouldn’t have been elected to become our First Lady in 2008 in the first place.

One Response to “Michelle Obama Wishes She Had Benefit of #DearMe Campaign During Youth”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Mar 23rd, 2015

    First Lady Michelle “Big Booty” Obama’s latest dictate is: that Pre- Kindergarten (Pre-K, 4 year olds) school applicants need to have BMI measurements taken; weight measured; and then indoctrinated about healthy eating, prior to admission!

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