by Walter Bucket on 24/03/15 at 6:17 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. Neil Armstrong’s ass prints are still on the moon and will be for ages. This event has turned many a werewolf into an asshole every full moon.
2. TRUE: 99.9% of all people on Earth will never appear on Jeopardy.
3. Roosters cannot crow without stretching their necks. Same thing happens to many U.S. Presidents during their “State of the Union” speeches.
4. FALSE: Don’t believe that commercial “Whatever happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas”. With all the hidden cameras everywhere, Las Vegas is actually the Blackmailer’s Pair-A-Dice!
5. During the “War Between the States” the Confederacy was guilty of the first recorded War Depantsing in the U.S. as the South was short on just about everything.
6. Military wounded in Veterans Hospital given free flap to cover their butts with the President’s photograph on it.
7. The top nudist bestseller from 2014? “The Old Man & The…Gee, Would You Look What That Old Boy’s Carrying Around With Him?”
8. A NYC man almost got into serious trouble in 2014 as he waited for his date to finish her makeup. He saw she had a dog in her highrise home and he tossed it’s ball and it hit a chair arm and the dog went after it as they both sailed out the open window. Good thing it was an Airedale.
9. TRUE: When John Hancock signed the Declaration of Independence, he stated, “Hey Franklin, none of that invisible ink shit. You sign with my pen!”
10. FALSE: Along with running up a lot of debt, the first five losers running for President had to kiss the winner’s ass. Rumored: A Mighty passing of gas led to at least one duel.
11. TRUE: A hit & run driver in Knoxville first jumped out and placed a note on the damaged car windshield so that any witnesses thought he was doing the right thing. However, curiosity got the best of one witness who slipped over and was reading the note when the owner came up beat the crap out of him & took all his money. Note: “Sorry I bashed your car.”
12. TRUE: Most critics agree that Clint Eastwood’s best spaghetti western was, “Shootout At Angel Hair”.
13. The favorite part of their Mama’s chicken dinner for most mountain boys in West Virginia is watching her wring its neck and seemingly chase them all over the yard. This also serves as a lesson for the youngins not to mess with Mama.
14. T/F: It is much easier to land a vehicle on the moon when it is full. Not only is the light brighter but the surface is so much bigger.
15. TRUE: As some kind of cosmic joke, a male’s penis will grow 2-4 inches after he is dead.