by Walter Bucket on 31/03/15 at 5:42 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. China stunned as it finds out it has lost millions of people. Apparently, the fast trains got the same people counted twice, once in each location. Plus, nearly three hundred million more have slipped away in the super thick smog.
2. The recently released “101 Ways To Straighten Up & Act Like You Have Some Sense” is not selling well outside of Dixie!
3. As of January First, 2006 “Captain D’s Restaurants” will be renamed by the catchier title, “Flounder’s Kipers”.
4. The National Order Of Pessimists plan to continue holding their annual convention in Los Angeles, if it’s still there and all of us are still alive and not on some kind of kidney failure or life support device.
5. In 1992, a small house cat fell out of the apartment window of the 72nd floor of a highrise in Boston and hit the ground running, right under a car on the street. Owner told the press, “I guess it was just his time to go.”
6. Expansive Native American exhibit opening in NYC in 2018. Many tribes to return all those smallpox blankets that they are now immune to but contained new mutation that might affect others.
7. TRUE: National Cathedral in Washington to begin ringing bells for gay marriages! Big gay ding dongs will be heard as far away as Queens.
8. FEBRUARY 1st, 2015: The National Health Service warns all Americans that a stronger strain of Bird Flu is out. “Please do not wipe bird poop from cars without gloves. Avoid statues. Never look up in the sky at a big flock of birds with your mouth open!”
9. Just Like renaming it Cape Canaveral, Florida; Kennedy’s Croaked, Kentucky has voted to go back to it’s original name of Fudpucker Gap.
10. 2013 tests of American High School students are once again showing their lack of knowledge, especially in History. For instance, most stated that Lee Harvey Oswald was the guy who started Marvel Comics.
11. Business that has been hit the hardest by the Swine Flu? The Piggly Wiggly stores.
12. The Pfizer Company, makers of Viagra, receives fifth straight special recognition award from Congress for it’s helping small firms.
13. TRUE: January 2nd, 2015: First incident of a woman filmed in Mall Bathroom defending herself from drone and photos with a plunger!
14. Raccoons are the only animals besides humans that use eye makeup.
15. “Doc” Holliday’s last words were “Hack! Hack! I..Hack! Cough! Cough! (poooot) Hack! I HACK!!!! well shit…”