by Walter Bucket on 01/04/15 at 6:07 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. One of the earliest Ronald McDonalds honked his life away in 1987 when one of his big shoes hit the gas pedal harder than the brake pedal on his car. He was sandwiched between two Good Humor Trucks. “That’s the way he would have wanted to go”, stated his friend, Clarabelle.
2. Every year hundreds of couples greatly in love get married in front of the world famous Weinermobile.
3. All 6 of the Three Stooges went blind from eye-poking before they died, except Moe. He died before he went blind.
4. The original Godzilla was nothing more than a 75-foot-tall puppet.
5. No one really knows how many times Mickey Rooney and Elizabeth Taylor were married. However, those that knew them best say they were both pretty well screwed up.
6. Many people received a notice from the Internal Revenue Service this year reminding them that they already know how much they sold on the internet this year so add it on.
7. New York City Chief of police say that an ass-kisser has squealed about the location of that tunnel under headquarters leading to Doughnuts Delight!
8. The most poisonous species of Cone Snail has enough poison in it to kill a dozen people. Of course, you readers of Agatha Christie’s “Death Of A Cone Snail Jury” already knew this.
9. People in the former Confederate States of America are suing Viagra for stealing their slogan in their commercial, “The South is gonna rise again!”
10. Michael Felty of “Riverdance” holds the record for the most taps. By one o’clock in the morning, he had drank his last competitor under the pub table!
11. Most scientists say that time began 13.77 billion years ago, but others point out that it all depends upon whose watch you use.
12. Sir George Gainsby, who is the modern creator of the Bungee Jump, has a head flatter than that of Herman Munster!
13. “Wallaby Woman” to die in June edition of “Down Under Comics”. There have already been some called-in threats and riot-gatherings planning protests in Sidney.
14. At Dinosaur World near Mammoth Cave in Kentucky, kids are told, “The largest dinosaur known to exist was the Argentinosaurus according to experts. It was really big! I mean BIG, youngens! GREAT BIG OLE LIZARD! OOOWWEEE!”
15. The Dalai Lama says that he sometimes has flashbacks all the way back to when he didn’t exist.