by E. Williams on 03/04/15 at 7:01 am
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – (satireworld.com)
In the wake of the passage of the state’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act recently, signed into law by Governor Mike Pence, gays are getting creative in attempting to satiate their appetite for pizza. As exhibited by the public outing of Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana, the law makes it illegal for gays to buy pizza anywhere in the state.
At first, it seemed that the LGBT community had lost their minds over one pizza place that was Christian-owned refusing to cater a pizza dinner for an imaginary gay wedding, but we ARE talking about pizza after all. It seemed a possibility at the time that a gay couple could simply call around to find another pizza place that would cater a gay wedding, but then the law was passed, making it against the law for any member of the LGBT community to publicly buy pizza.
In the wake of the passage of the law, and in an attempt to thwart gays having to cross state lines to obtain the Italian delicacy, underground pizza joints like Poco Loco Pizza have popped up in cities like Gary. Cecil Barker, not his real name, owner of Poco Loco, told us how his business is getting around the new law.
“We weren’t fans of the new law and felt that we had to do something,” ‘Cecil’ said. “We’ve started using food coloring in the dough so the pizza comes out a rainbow color, we’ve added a separate phone line only for gays, and we agreed to deliver to them behind supermarkets, to fake addresses, under bridges, and in dark alleys behind dumpsters. I haven’t figured out how to cook the books so our accountant won’t know that we sold pizza to the LGBT people, but we’ll figure out something on that later.”
There have been scattered reports that gay people have been able to go into Memories Pizza, or any other pizza joint in the state, and buy pizza, but these reports are unconfirmed and highly suspect since the local and national mainstream media tell us that’s not possible. More than likely, they tell us, gay people are being denied entrance into any and every pizza business statewide. Stay tuned as this outrageous controversy develops.