by Walter Bucket on 03/04/15 at 7:38 pm
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. False: The old kids game of “Ring Around The Rosie” was not about the plague but about someone wearing a penis ring.
2. Before becoming an actor, Gilbert Gottfried was a lion tamer for Ringling Brothers Circus!
3. In March, 2009, Mr. T won a lawsuit against several politicians for calling his opponent a “Fool”. Mr. T had copyrighted that term during his days on “The A-Team”.
4. Politician Rand Paul told friends that when he ever gets the time he intends to write a book about Michael Moore called “A Communist Manafatso!”.
5. President apparently has proposed a bill that will bleep out any old TV shows like Andy Griffith that showed smoking scenes!
6. Washington Redskins are considering changing their name in 2016 to Washington Lying Politicians! Native Americans approve this 100%.
7. That big riot on New Year’s Eve, 2012 in NYC finally proven to be a fight over wives discovering that the men had a bet on whose wife had the biggest ass. Some just now (2015) leaving the hospital.
8. True: If you are a midget or dwarf, you will feel the earth shaking 1.1 higher on the Richter Scale than tall people.
9. False: That old film of a firefighter rescuing a bear from high up in a Redwood tree was faked. It was actually a monkey in a bear suit.
10. True: All six firing squad members in Oklahoma missed a criminal who received death penalty. However, the guy died of a heart attack.
11. “The Silent Movie Curse” is true. As of January 1, 2015 over 90% of those actors are now dead.
12. True: A really hard sneeze can cause you to break a rib. However, stopping it by holding your nose will send a loud fart out the other end. So please turn to Drudge or somewhere for a few seconds as I’m at the library at the present time.
13. An encased tick can ruin a clock.
14. True: Couple in Tennessee who insisted they were probed by aliens many times between 2006 and 2009 discover former neighbors silver suits hidden in their old garage loft.
15. Four Simple Tests that indicate that you might have had a stroke. 1. Big lump in pants. 2. Suddenly walking like the Frankenstein monster. 3. Everything looks like you’re suddenly off Daylight Savings Time. 4. Finding that you’re holding your breath like forever.