by Walter Bucket on 06/04/15 at 5:52 am
(satireworld.com) Walter Bucket Presents True Facts
1. T/F: John Kerry, our Secretary of State, made a huge faux pas while attempting prayer with Muslims in March when he closed the prayer with “in the name of Popeye”.
2. Privacy Update: Over 100 organizations and groups know your credit card numbers, what you ate for dinner last night and what you and the wife did after that. Shame.
3. The average illegal Mexican eats three bean tacos a day. If you add that to all people already here in the South and their bean cakes and the Boston beaneaters up North, Nopes recommends we aim those big windmill energy towers towards the western U.S. where they’re so hot on alternative energy.
4. The Lone Ranger actually got his name from Tonto who never forgot the day his tribe killed all the other rangers and he saved this one by placing a mask on him.
5. In the Southern Hemisphere, roosters crow when it’s time to go to bed.
6. ESPN says that it’s new show, “Topless Solitaire” the surprise hit of the season. “It’s even bigger than “Bikini Bingo!” and “Thong Tic-Tac-Toe” put together, say the critics.
7. The average Major League baseball player fouls off the pitch every 1.9 times at bat. Combine that with an average 3.4 throws by pitcher to first base with runner on and and the batter stepping out of the batter’s box 5.3 times at bat and you see why these players are paid so much money.
8. People who sell their soles to the devil wind up stepping on a lot of roofing nails, dog crap, bees and snakes.
9. False: There was no Typhoon Mary that led to the death of over 1200 Americans. That’s just another tale by that Brian Williams guy. Sorry if you sent in money to help.
10. True: Although shopping carts do have a lot of germs on them, your fellow shoppers have even more. So use those wet wipes on both of them.
11. Recent studies at the Mayo Clinic shows that men who are shorter outlive those who are taller. However, they do tend to get kicked in the ass a lot more often.
12. True: While a man becomes frightened to death when his pee changes color, a woman takes it in stride every month when hers turns pink.
13. True: The guy who came up with the famous “E.S.A.D.”, wrote it on his suicide note after being bitten by a radioactive fly.
14. False: There was no trickster on the lot of The Wizard of Oz who substituted a real lion for the fake one, and it ate Toto. That has been proven to be an urban legend. What it ate was a munchkin named Toad.
15. True: Ambulance crew very embarrassed while carrying pointy sheeted corpse from restaurant in Salem, Massachusetts. Apparently, the poor fellow had gotten excited on his date and took two Viagra pills by mistake, instead of his heart medicine.