9 out of 10 Looters Prefer Skittles, new poll shows!

by on 29/04/15 at 1:23 pm

St. Skittles shows the 'secret gang sign' which lets other gang wannabe idiots know you like 'em dem Skittles!

St. Skittles himself shows the ‘secret gang sign’ which lets other wannabe thugs know you like ’em dem Skittles too!

Baltimore, MD – (satireworld.com)

A new poll taken from the streets of a burned out Baltimore indicate that Skittles is still the choice of hundreds of looters as they rampage through the city under the guise of Equal justice leaving shop owners beaten, terrorized and burned out.

Footage captured by in store video show the rampaging youth ripping open bags of the flavored candy and mixing them with vodka and diet Mello Yellow to bring on a raging high in a new urban drink nicknamed “Jungle Bunny Tea!”

Despite a 10 pm Curfew law breakers as young as 11 have been seen with their pants around their ankles indulging in binge drinking while crawling home pushing shopping carts loaded with loot including pre-cooked chickens, sweet potato fries and cartons of Salem Lite cigarettes..

One woman was seen on the street beating her son when he dared to come home only bringing a roll of 4 ply toilet paper and the latest issue of Jet Magazine with Michelle on the cover featuring her latest school lunch creation “Talapia on a tray with Arugula.”

Mayor Stephanie Rawlings Blake’s initial Brain Dead Progressive plan of ‘letting the kids have some room to burn” and create “shovel ready jobs” quickly ran out of popularity soon after the fire department had put out the last blaze and the anarchy moved on into neighbor hoods housing elected officials, government employees, and union leaders.

One empty handed looter told Geraldo Rivera, “WTF:by the time I got here all the good stuff was gone and all I got was this free bumper sticker “I”m ready for hillary!” Shit man, my car was done repossessed yesterday ….and I only signed the papers last week! Salesman tolt me to put a phony address on the sales agreement and it’d be over a year before they found my ass! How lame is that! Now I gotta wear this stupid sticker on my forehead with the rest of my homeys until she gets elected and I get my car back and they forgive my student loan. Lame,man,it’s just plain lame!”

Said one National Guard member called up but who refused to report,” You crazy Dude, it looks worse then Mogadishu down town, you gotta be crazy if you think I want a sharp spear up my arse from a brother! If these hop heads don’t like it here they should all move to Minnesota and live under Sharia….see how they like that Shit….eh?”

More when the smoke clears and supplies of Mellow Yellow start flowing again.



5 Responses to “9 out of 10 Looters Prefer Skittles, new poll shows!”

  1. Bargis

    Apr 29th, 2015

    mmmmmmmmmm good!

  2. E. Williams

    Apr 29th, 2015

    Good one!

  3. Philbert of Macadamia

    Apr 29th, 2015

    The Baltimore riots may have just killed Republican Governor Hogan’s no new tax pledge. It would be great if the prevailing political thinking was to be: When you SHIT in your own shoes, be prepared to wear them!

    This year’s Maryland Democratically controlled legislative session had the same gimme folks wanting more revenue for all their liberal causes, but were held off by legislative leaders. Wait till 2016, “tax and spend” may start all over again!

  4. Captain america

    Apr 29th, 2015

    …Obama says the answer is
    “Mo money for Ed u Kation,
    College (wtf), and drivers ed…”
    They can’t even spell RESPECT!

    Lost cause leading to total destruction…

    • Philbert of Macadamia

      Apr 30th, 2015

      The USA has spent $20 trillion over the last 50 years since President Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society to solve the “Ed u Kation” problem. What did it achieve, Zippo, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson shake downs!

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