by captain america on 02/05/15 at 6:32 am
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)
The White House has launched a new campaign to let folks know Obama is not taking recent unrest in Baltimore lightly with his surrogate mother Valerie Jarrett announcing a new nationwide effort to combat guilt and remorse over “White Privilege” amongst American’s college students under the Hash-tag of *Hug a Thug for Barry!
With the public release Obama is showing solidarity with Baltimore Mayorette Stephanie Rawlings-Blake the 30 year old first time African-American mayor who is credited with giving looters ‘space’ to destroy the cities infrastructure and economy by ordering police to ‘stand down’ and let ‘kids be kids!”
Jarrett also agreed by saying “the best thing to do is just let
the kids ‘choom out’,” a reference to the President’s youth in Hawaii when he was a member of the “Choom Gang” who controlled the local high school and spent their off hours closed up in a VW van inhaling 2nd hand smoke till their brains were fried leaving lingering residual brain damage still seen today with administration decisions having wide reaching effects.
With backing from Obama, Rawlings-Blake has suspended any police action to enforce federal drug laws involving marijuana in the hopes ‘everyone will just get happy and stop stealing and burning shit…!’
Said Valerie, “Barack smoked a lot of shit in his day, but you never heard of him playing with matches or caught stealing a can of Spam…smoking a joint can be good for your psyche and doesn’t impact your Fulbright Scholarship application or your draft status for the NBA or NFL…although I can’t speak for the National Hockey League!”
Reports are circling that the Baltimore PD has been ordered to release to the general public the last 6 months of confiscated cannabis, allegedly totally 5 tons, to the populace outside Camden Yards on a first come first serve basic prior to tonight’s
celebrations along with free OFA match books featuring the President.
Most of Baltimore’s working public have already been seen leaving the area heading to either Delaware, Virginia or Cape Cod to ‘get an early jump on summer vacation.”
No word yet from the State Department on what actions have been taken to protect, clothe and feed the thousands of refugees fleeing the state as John Kerry has reportedly left to go sailing off Nantucket with spokesman Marie Harf who eyewitnesses claimed ‘still looked pretty stoned and out of it!: