by E. Williams on 18/06/15 at 5:22 pm
NEW HAMPSHIRE – (satireworld.com)
In a soaring speech that brought her crowd of supporters to their feet, Hillary Clinton today made her most inspirational case for why she should be the next president of the United States. She tossed red meat to her base by promising that, if elected, she will only suck half as bad as Barack Obama has.
“As we move forward in an uncertain world,” Mrs. Clinton told the crowd, “It is vital that we have someone in the White House who will not be as disappointing as President Obama! I promise to you today that I will only be HALF as disappointing as President Obama has been!” The crowd went wild.
“I think that’s the best we can hope for,” said Tim Carson, a volunteer for the Ready for Hillary New Hampshire campaign. “I mean, let’s be honest, if she gets elected we know there will be a new scandal every three or four days, but that’s our new normal. I can live with that. President Obama has failed to make the oceans recede and has been a big disappointment in other ways too. So, if Hillary can convince enough people that she won’t be as bad I’d say this is our race to lose.”
Hillary continued whipping the crowd into a frenzy. “We often cite the made-up statistic that women in America only get paid seventy cents to every dollar a man earns, or 70%. I pledge to you that I will shoot for never being more than 70% as disappointing as President Obama has been!” Again, bringing the audience to their feet.
Meanwhile, conservative candidates for president are telling America they vow to turn things around, straighten out Mr. Obama’s mess, and not be a disappointment at all. Time will tell which direction the country will choose to go.