All White Americans Suddenly Self-Identify as Black, Ending Racial Inequality Argument

by on 19/06/15 at 5:18 am

Austin Texas native Buck McCullom  recently made news by proclaiming himself a 'Texas Elf' and wants to be included with the State's recognized minorities in order to win Section 8 housing for himself and his 17 miniature poodles.

Austin Texas native Waldo ‘Buck’ McCullom recently made news by proclaiming himself a ‘Black Texas Elf’ and wants to be included with the State’s recognized minorities in order to receive special subsidized state housing for himself and his pet bird ‘Jaxson’.

WASHINGTON D.C.  – (satireworld.com)

In a triumphant sacrifice for the greater common good, all white Americans suddenly and collaboratively proclaimed that they now self-identify as black, ending the centuries old argument that they have been trying to keep black people down and view themselves as a superior race. The move was sparked by the superhuman bravery of Rachel Dolezal who has shown the nation that you can be whatever you want to be as long as you say it.

The science world has been turned upside down by the announcement because suddenly things that were once easily apparent can now be changed and reclassified on a whim. There are no hard laws of nature anymore since anything can be put in a different category if someone simply decides to do so.

The move by white America has, sadly, left Al Sharpton without a job, facing the prospect of having to collect unemployment. The DOJ has terminated numerous agencies within its department now that everyone is living in perfect harmony and police can no longer be accused of treating anybody different from anybody else.

The sudden move has been met by some natural blacks as suspicious but formerly white Americans say that if Rachel can do it then so can they. President Obama was caught off-guard by the announcement from white America and was debating how to respond now that one of his favorite divisive tools has been rendered useless, but being half-and-half himself he threw his hands in the air and said the whole issue was now too confusing even for him.

Terms like “white guilt” and “white privilege” have now been tossed in the vocabulary trash can of history since they no longer hold any meaning. It should be no time at all before the nation starts seeing statues of racial savior Rachel Dolezal popping up all across our great land as we worship the woman who dared to blur the lines of race and bring us all together. Sorry, I teared up a little bit during that last sentence.



3 Responses to “All White Americans Suddenly Self-Identify as Black, Ending Racial Inequality Argument”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jun 19th, 2015

    Good story EW.

    Rachel’s picture will also be placed on the new $11 bill , as Obama has the $3 bill!

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Jun 19th, 2015

    Our fearless leader in the White House has ordered the FDA to ban the scorge of trans fats from American’s food.

    Don’t you and your family feel safer from ISIS, crime, China and Russia?

    Next the president will be releasing his oral cure for vaginal Itch!

  3. E. Williams

    Jun 19th, 2015

    Thanks, PoM!

Leave a Reply