by E. Williams on 13/07/15 at 7:02 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
Crushing the hopes of feminists everywhere, Secretary of Treasury Lew revealed this week that instead of featuring a woman’s picture on the $10 bill as previously reported, the Treasury has decided to feature, for the first time ever, a woman on the helmet of the Buffalo Bills. There had already been bickering among man-hating feminists and lesbians that having a woman featured on the $10 bill instead of the $20 bill was a slap in the face.
“We decided that if we were going to disappoint them, we might as well make it count,” Lew said. “They can’t be too upset though, they’re still getting a woman’s likeness on a Bill. It’s one of those ‘it depends on what your definition of the word “is” is,’ things. Just semantics. The NFL and the Buffalo Bills organization were very nice to comply with our request.”
“Some people are just impossible to please,” Lew continued, “If we had originally stated that we intended to put a woman on the $50 bill there would have been cries that it wasn’t the $100 bill. This way, we took that argument away and it’s time they just get over it. One thing I can promise the fans is that, whichever female we pick for the helmet logo, they will be lean and athletic. If we were to put a heavy woman on instead, people would say we’re comparing her to a Buffalo, the team’s mascot. That just opens up a whole other can of worms that I don’t want to deal with.”
Leading feminist, Gloria Steinem, released a tweet stating, “We can put a man on the moon but we can’t put a woman on the $20 bill. That’s just sad.” She then went on to urge fellow (sorry, I know that’s sexist) feminists to boycott the Buffalo Bills. And to continue burning their bras.