by E. Williams on 14/07/15 at 4:57 pm
The 2015 Liberal Coping Kit is now available for sale nationwide and can be purchased at Walgreen’s and CVS stores, as well as on many college campuses. The newest kit comes with many of the products liberals have come to realize they can’t live without, but this year’s kit has a few additions. The item liberals are the most excited about this year is the ‘Historical Eraser.’
The eraser tool lets liberals remove any and all threatening historical events as if they never happened. The eraser is already being used by many liberals as they not only try to erase the history of the Confederate flag, but also all statues, roads, and highways that bear Confederate names or likenesses. This time next year, if you ask a liberal anything about the Confederacy, they will look at you as if you’re from another planet. To them, it never happened, it’s just a gap in history.
As usual, the Politically Correct Dictionary is included, which includes both words and phrases that used to mean one thing but liberals have now decided mean another, and words that liberals are still allowed to say but are banned for use by conservatives.
Other items in the Liberal Coping Kit include the Selective Outrage tool, an American flag (lighter included), a White Privilege Detector to spot micro-aggressions, real or imagined, even before they occur, and ‘Safe Space’ Chalk. The chalk can be used in emergency situations in which you might find yourself in the vicinity of a white male, known to liberals as ‘The Devil,’ and allows the user to outline a large circle on the ground around themselves for protection. A simple warning to the offending person can let them know that 911 is just a phone call away.
The kit also includes quick, do-it-yourself therapy lessons. For instance, say you’ve locked yourself in your safe zone because of a perceived threat from a while male, but then you call 911 and a white, male law enforcement officer or firefighter shows up to rescue you. What do you do, you’re screwed?! Quick action is needed to calm yourself and to help you try to make sense of the situation.
For white liberals, there is a special Coping Kit, known as “The Cracker Box,” that includes a box of tissues for the many tears shed while experiencing white guilt. The Cracker Box also contains a bonus booklet with President Obama’s “Top 50 Ways to Apologize For America” that can be used on friends, especially those from another country.
Liberal Coping Kits are available for $19.95 and are, of course, covered by Obamacare.