Trouble in Paradise, “Jihadi John” Now on Run From ISIS

by on 27/07/15 at 7:24 am

Jihad John's choice of disguises didn't work very well

Jihad John’s choice of disguises didn’t work very well

The only photo of Jihad John taken in 2001.

The only photo of Jihad John taken in 2001.


Once the poster boy for the evil of ISIS, the man credited with killing numerous hostages held by the terror group is reportedly now on the run from the very group that made him a star. According to the Jerusalem Post, John is in hiding, probably within a different JV terror group. Previously feared and respected within the ranks of ISIS, John became worried after the West uncovered his identity that fellow militants might become jealous of his notoriety and try to knock him off.

So far, he has tried using several aliases such as Jihadi Jordan, Jihadi Caitlyn, and Jihadi Kanye. He’s also tried to disguise himself as a woman, the newest member of One Direction, a pile of scrub brush, and even a goat with a sign around its neck that reads, “I HAVE SYPHILIS. PLEASE DO NOT F^@k.”

“JJ” is a well educated Briton who studied computer programming, with a minor in beheading. Now that it’s public knowledge that he’s on the run, it should vastly increase the number of people looking for the son-of-a-bitch. No doubt ISIS doesn’t look kindly on deserters and so, if he doesn’t die at the hands of our military, he surely deserves to be the one on his knees in a future ISIS video. I bet he looks good in orange. Well, except for the big pee stain in front.

The worst thing that could happen is for US forces to capture him only to have our Sympathizer-in-Chief work out a trade for his release. Is the going rate still 5 for 1?

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