by E. Williams on 28/07/15 at 5:12 pm
DETROIT – (satireworld.com)
Hell was booked so they moved it to Detroit. In a city that is falling apart before the nation’s eyes, satanists will hold the biggest “public” ceremony honoring their belief system this country has ever seen. And by “public” we mean the exact location is being kept a secret and only ticket holders will be notified of exactly where the event is being held.
The event was originally planned to be held at a restaurant, but the owner worried that blood on the counters might violate the health code.
Catering for the event is being handled by Planned Parenthood who will be on hand to harvest organs during the special human sacrifice portion of the festivities. Kids can play “pin the tail on the Ten Commandments statue,” among other games. Attendees will discuss how to further their movement, as well as strategies for getting their satanic statue placed alongside a planned Ten Commandments monument outside the Arkansas Statehouse.
When asked, “Why Detroit?”, one of the organizers said, “Look around you, man! This is a God-forsaken place that liberals have run into the ground. It’s perfect!” There was some initial confusion when hotels started noticing Democrats calling to book rooms for the same weekend. Apparently, word got out that there was a God-hating event being held in Detroit and many mistakenly assumed it was the Democratic National Convention a year early.
“We hope to have a hedonistic time and then send our members out into the world to ruin religion for everybody else out there,” the organizer said. “And I’m not sure we will leave much of Detroit standing when we get through here, so tell the last one out of the city to turn out the lights.”