Target Becomes Most Politically Correct Retailer in the World

by on 13/08/15 at 6:19 am

Predictably, you can't buy a target at Target....No where in the sporting goods section are there anything that resembles a target.

Predictably, you can’t buy a target at Target….No where in the sporting goods section are there anything that resembles a target.


Being politically correct eases their conscious somewhat, after all,  making millions and millions of dollars from consumers has to be shameful!

Being politically correct eases their conscious somewhat, after all, making millions and millions of dollars from consumers has to be shameful!

MINNEAPOLIS – (satireworld.com)

Target may be the second biggest discount retailer behind Walmart, but there is no question they are the king when it comes to being painfully politically correct.

It was announced this week that the retail giant is doing away with gender specific labels in some departments after a few deranged customers complained about the way certain toys were characterized as either suitable for boys or for girls. This must have made for a very confusing shopping experience for the vast majority of American consumers who, you would think, all identify as transgender now. At least that’s what Target must think.

What else must Target have up their sleeves? Soon, the ladies wear and men’s wear sections will receive new signage, labeling the sections simply “Wear.” Also, upon entering a Target store, an employee will pull up in an electric shopping cart and drive you around the store to complete your shopping. This guards those who need the assistance of an electric cart from feeling any different from everybody else.

Next, Target is removing all signs at the registers related to whether the lanes are cash or credit. Suppose the person behind you sees you pay with cash. That person might think you can’t hold down a job and can’t get approved for a credit card, which could prove very embarrassing for you or even hurt your feelings.

Target can’t have that.

Or suppose you pay with a credit card and the person behind you is planning on paying with cash, that is a blatant sign to the customer behind you that you are flaunting your wealth in their face, a clear microaggression on your part. For this reason, register clerks will communicate with each customer regarding their payment methods through a complex set of hand gestures and whispering.

In addition, Target is undergoing a redesign of their “bullseye” logo as it might make some shoppers feel uneasy because it may invoke the thought of a gun, a microaggression in itself. For those too scared to walk to their own cars as they exit the stores, a security detail will escort them to safety. Also, with the logo redesign, the company is thinking of changing their name too. Some suggestions the company has received are, “Walmart for the Middle Class,” “PC Cowards,” “Douchebags,” and “Dress Code Enforced, with the tagline, ‘This is not Walmart.’”



3 Responses to “Target Becomes Most Politically Correct Retailer in the World”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 13th, 2015

    Great story EW.

    Am I being microagressive to non-writers?

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Aug 13th, 2015

    New Target signs will show pictures of Jock Straps and Brassieres to avoid shopper’s being confused!

  3. E. Williams

    Aug 13th, 2015

    Thanks, PhilB. And you’re right, we need to watch ourselves so we don’t make any non-writers here feel bad.

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