Putin Assumes Control in Middle East But Can’t Take Selfies For Sh*t

by on 04/10/15 at 12:50 pm

"...smile like me now!"

‘Mooch! Mooch! Look what I can do”

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

Russian President Putin has launched airstrikes in Syria, effectively neutering President Obama and his weak Middle East policy. While Mr. Obama’s policy has been to destroy the part of ISIS that is neither Islamic nor extremist by playing tiddlywinks, Putin is using firepower, kicking ass and taking names.

It would appear that the Russian leader has seized upon Obama’s inability to act to gain control of the situation in the Middle East. However, for all the bravado Mr. Putin is showing by flexing his muscles in Syria, all parties concede, “President Obama takes better selfies.” Sure, he can’t lead, show force, or put a scare into anybody, but he’s a master with the selfie stick.

Russian diplomats concede that Mr. Putin usually has someone else take pictures of him to show the world. “Who does that anymore?!” asked a laughing 17 year-old White House spokesman Josh Earnest at a press briefing today.

Earnest told reporters that President Obama practices taking selfies for hours each day and his technique is impeccable, his framing of each image….exquisite. It’s like the selfie stick is an extension of his own body. A proud Josh then said, “Putin may have wrestled control of the Middle East away from us, but he can’t take a selfie for shit!”

It’s too early to tell how this shift in power will affect the turmoil in the region but, for now, Americans will have to rely on the inferior pictures they can get of the conflict from the Russians.

One Response to “Putin Assumes Control in Middle East But Can’t Take Selfies For Sh*t”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Oct 5th, 2015

    From the incompetent, Liar in Chief’s three press conferences:

    1. Obama says the USA needs more gun control because we lead the world in shootings, murders or gun rampages! A big lie, as statistical data shows the USA in sixth position, yet other countries are above the USA in murders/gun crimes/rampages and these countries don’t allow citizens to own guns.

    2. Then there is inner-city Chicago IL, where on a weekend Black on Black murders (with illegal guns) are in excess of 10 sometimes up to 50 people killed or wounded (including women and toddlers)!

    3. Obama after giving Putin license at the UN to attack the Syrian rebels, vice ISIS; Obama indicates that Clinton’s “No Fly Zone” is not a half baked idea (another red line), but not for him! Senator McCain (R-AZ) sure must be quite upset, as he wanted to invoke a “No Fly Zone about 3 years ago!

    4. Obama says the USA has a 12 nation coalition of countries bigger than Russia, Iran and Iraq fighting ISIS! The “leader from behind” speaks liberal buzz words, while Russia acts using real munitions against the Syrian Rebels, not ISIS!

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