by E. Williams on 12/10/15 at 8:51 pm
OREGON – (satireworld.com)
Determined to circumvent Congress, President Obama has decided on his first executive order related to gun control. He’s ordering a ban on shotgun weddings, typically defined as any wedding that takes place quickly, usually to avoid embarrassment because of a pregnancy.
The president said just doing anything that is related to guns, in any way, will appease his base. “Some people may ask what a shotgun wedding has to do with gun control,” Mr. Obama said. “Well, you’ve got to start somewhere. For people on the Left, even the words ‘gun,’ ‘firearm,’ ‘shotgun,’ or ‘rifle’ scare them. This is a solid first step.”
Asked what a young, pregnant couple was supposed to do in the face of his ban, the president said, “Get those babies aborted! Why do you think we have Planned Parenthood’s everywhere? Clearly, these pregnancies weren’t planned, so help us out. Planned Parenthood needs more fetal tissue they can sell.”
When it was pointed out to Mr. Obama that there were actually no guns involved in a shotgun wedding, he responded, “Look, first of all, I don’t believe that. And secondly, I’m trying to send a message to the NRA. I don’t have any statistics with me about how many deaths have resulted from shotgun weddings, but my people are working on compiling that data for me as we speak.”
The president was told that the NRA had nothing to do with shotgun weddings, to which he replied, “Yeah, right.”