University of Missouri Changing Curriculum, Name of School

by on 16/11/15 at 6:33 am

The official University mascot is 6 month old Dennis Branchard who was spanked prior to the photo being taken  because of his 'white privilege'......or something like that.

The official University mascot is 6 month old Dennis Branchard who was spanked prior to the photo being taken because of his ‘white privilege’……or something like that.

Lashanna Jackson has been named as the official spokesperson for the University of Missouri

Lashanna Jackson has been named as the official spokesperson for the University of Missouri

COLUMBIA, MO – (satireworld.com)

With the firing of top administrators at the University of Missouri because of racial protests, the school is taking the opportunity to make some changes to help students feel more comfortable and safe. The first thing to change is the school’s name. The University of Missouri is now known as the University of the Perpetually Offended. Missouri has long gone by the nickname “Mizzou” but, because of the whining protesters, and a few members of the school’s football team, that nickname has changed to “Wussou.” The school’s mascot has also changed from a tiger to a crying baby.

Curriculum has also changed in light of current events. At the University’s School of Lower Education, professor Melissa Click (a Carrot Top impersonator on the side) is now teaching classes such as “Agitation 101,” “Creating a Racial Hoax,” “Shut Up! – I’m Right and You’re Wrong,” “Free Speech? Who Needs It!,” “Identifying White Privilege: Is He White? Then ‘Yes’,” “Survival Tips for Safe Spaces,” and “Recruiting Football Teams For Your Cause.”

In addition, the school now boasts a Black Lives Matter degree plan where students can earn their Bachelor of Protesting degree.

All speech from students in Ms. Click’s classes will be monitored through a politically correct translator who will offer PC alternative words and phrases to stop any potential microaggression triggers before they have a chance to emotionally affect any delicate snowflakes attending the University of the Perpetually Offended.

Students are advised to maintain silence when passing in the halls, dining in the cafeteria, or playing at the school’s rec center to prevent anyone from hearing anything that might make them feel uncomfortable or become emotional. Several students were recently treated for tremors and breathing difficulties after seeing a truck with a Confederate flag on it. Doctors diagnosed the students with “butthurt,” also called the “Pansy Flu,” and they were treated and released.

For the football program, a mediator will now attend Wussou games and evaluate all penalties called by referees against the ‘Crying Babies’ to determine if they were racially motivated. Finally, as far as accommodations for the student body go, UPO now offers the luxury of a tent city to house those who are unable to find safe spaces in campus dormitories at night.



3 Responses to “University of Missouri Changing Curriculum, Name of School”

  1. Bargis

    Nov 16th, 2015

    another one out of the ballpark by Evil…

  2. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 16th, 2015

    Good one EW:

    Trigger words like Obama, Democrats and Hillary, etc have been observed making normal Americans throw up!

  3. E. Williams

    Nov 16th, 2015

    Thx fellas

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