by E. Williams on 22/11/15 at 11:22 am
TURKEY – (satireworld.com)
Sticking to his strategy of no “boots on the ground” in the fight against ISIS, President Obama now says he is examining what he called “an interesting option” that could potentially take the place of his current strategy, which is military paralysis. The president has been looking for years for a military option that would eliminate any possible collateral damage.
“I’ve been thinking of how I could attack ISIS militarily in a way that, should it fail, would not harm my legacy, would not cause me to feel the need to comfort the families of those killed in battle, and would still allow me to sleep well at night, even if it turned into another Vietnam. Then one day it dawned on me – Why not just put Republicans on the ground instead of boots on the ground, which would put our military at risk? It’s perfect!” Mr. Obama said with a wide grin.
“Let me be clear, I don’t consider the loss of Republicans to be collateral damage,” the president said. “Who needs ’em? If you look at my remarks over the last few days, you can tell that I have more disdain for Republicans than I do for ISIS. There’s a reason for that. Republicans question everything I try to do, that makes them dangerous.”
“I am also presenting to other world leaders a refugee swap idea, whereby we would trade Syrian refugees for Republicans, thereby maintaining the current population levels of the countries involved. Let’s say ten percent of these Syrian refugees come to America and carry out terrorist attacks……..that’s still less damage than Republicans cause me on a regular basis. Plus, Syrian refugees have smaller carbon footprints than Republicans, and that’s all I really care about.”
Mr. Obama concluded by pointing out that the refugees are used to a lower standard of living conditions than Republicans, so they wouldn’t really notice the decline in the country as he continues to try to ruin it. “Can you imagine how great that would be?” an excited Obama asked. “Democrats and refugees don’t care about the Constitution so, if I can ship off those evil Republicans, I can finally get rid of that damn thing!”