Obama Vows to Protect All Americans

by on 23/11/15 at 6:28 am

SAfer handguns for liberals is the President's first action

SAfer handguns for liberals is the President’s first action

Maybe Hollywood can come up with an award show for jerk offs like Obama and some other absolutely dismal media-hyped people.

Maybe Hollywood can come up with an award show for jerk offs like Obama and some other absolutely dismal media-hyped people.

Washington DC- (satireworld.com)

President Barack Obama has issued an Executive Order to the US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and to the US Department of Defense (DOD) to protect Americans at home and abroad against threats to their individual safety. The Executive Order comes in the wake of: 1) the ISIS Islamic terror attacks that occurred in Paris France and Mali Africa; and 2) the Syrian refugee crisis caused by President Obama ignoring his own infamous “redline,” as well as other international areas of concern that keep Mr. Obama “awake at night.”

The president has also asked the new Speaker, Mr. Paul Ryan (R-WI), of the House of Representatives to add another $300 billion to the two year budget agreement to accomplish the tasking specified in his Executive Order or he will veto the latest budget or other bills. The budget bill agreement was just negotiated between Obama and Congress (ink still wet).

The Executive Order includes:

  • A shark fence to be built along the sea coasts of the lower 48 states and Hawaii to safeguard Americans against shark attacks. (Republican Alaska can fend for itself.)
  • New OSHA regulations to reduce Ferris wheel jamming and to stop vending machines from falling on Americans.
  • Hiring an additional 100 bureaucrats for the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to screen the expected 100,000 Syrian refuges for ISIS infiltrators.
  • Each American household not receiving any federal government subsidies must take in one Syrian refuge family to live in their basement or attic and also make sure they aren’t Islamic terrorists. This fiscal approach will not increase the federal deficit.
  • Improvements to be made to the Obama administration’s surveillance blimps to avoid them getting loose and falling on Americans. One hundred blimps are to be installed around the Capitol Beltway to provide surveillance of conservative Republicans.
  • Extensive FDA research to find a cure for athlete’s foot and hemorrhoids contracted by Americans.
  • Develop non-skid banana peels to prevent Americans from slipping and falling.
  • President Obama was going to transfer all the remaining GITMO Islamic terrorist detainees to the White House basement after the State’s of Illinois and Colorado have refused to take them. However, when Republicans complained he decided to abandon GITMO and let his new buddies in the Cuban government handle the problem.

The new Speaker of the US House of Representative is currently not answering his phone and the US Capitol Police have been notified to find his location. A telephone tipster believes Mr. Ryan can be found in John Boehner’s bar and grill in Ohio!

One Response to “Obama Vows to Protect All Americans”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 23rd, 2015

    Der Fuhrer Obama and the Marxist Democratic Party are now attacking/investigating the free speech rights (first amendment protected) of persons, businesses or political organizations that disagree with the administration’s policies.

    The Democratic Marxist Party is quickly spiraling down towards the dustbin of history!

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