by Philbert of Macadamia on 24/11/15 at 4:02 pm
Washington DC- (satireworld.com)
The Federal Register of Friday November 20, 2015 carried a request for US citizen comments to a new rule being proposed by a little known federal agency within the Department of Education (DOE), the Committee of Political Common Sense (CPCS). The CPCS deals with eliminating political correctness on college campuses.
CPCS respondents have 60 days to comment to the new CPCS rule, but already one million approvals have been logged since Friday on their government’s website. The salient highlights of the new rule that apply to colleges receiving federal, state or city monetary aid packages are:
- Micro-Aggressive: The term Micro-Aggressive is very difficult to define when it is happening. It is the Democratic left wing liberal’s way of allowing some college students to work around being charged with bullying, while squelching other students speech or actions.
- Trigger Words: The term only applies to finding your wife/spouse in bed with another human being, college student, or a horse named Trigger. At that time the offended party may resort to a different kind of trigger.
- American Dream: The ability of the next generation of all classes of Americans to economically and socially surpass the previous generation’s accomplishments.
- White Privilege: The term applies to all classes of Americans who have lived the “American Dream,” who have worked themselves up from meaningless jobs, e.g. fast food hamburger flipping, without demanding a minimum wage of $15 per hour to high paying meaningful jobs via education (high school and/or college) and hard work.
- White Guilt: The term applies to all classes of Americans who have lived the American Dream while others haven’t.
- Fear of the Future: A term that applies to all classes of American society, where male and female breadwinners are being taxed and regulated to oblivion by left wing Democrats, so they can’t put food on the table or pay for college educations for their children. Additionally, they feel their children and grand children will not be able to achieve the “American Dream.” Yet, the Obama administration has billions of taxpayer dollars to spend on global warming/climate change activities, useless Radar Blimps and other nefarious activities.
- Black Lives Matter: The term is applicable only to the safety of black dogs and black cats during Halloween. Halloween is not Micro-Aggressive, as some left wing college students would have you believe!
- Black Privilege: The term applies to USA citizens and college students who continually blame slavery (200 years after the fact), racism and push for more civil rights as the cause of not getting ahead and the result is victimhood status. Therefore, entitlements for subsidized housing, welfare payments, free food [Electronic Benefits Transfer (EBT)] cards have become the norm. What happened to inner city education?
- Diversity, Bias and Sexual Assault: A need to protect all college students from being discriminated against and women from being raped on college campuses. However, a Diversity Czar with draconian, unjust powers and GESTAPO snitches is not needed or wanted, nor are government subsidized segregated facilities by race or LGBT status.
- Safe Space: A corner of each college classroom to be set aside where a student crybaby may go to meditate or cry when hearing politically incorrect, Micro-Aggressive speech or perceived offensive topics. Dunce caps may be provided at professors/teachers discretion. For extreme cases of anxiety there are rooms with porcelain seats!
- Sanctuary City: The term should only applies to Churches, Synagogues, Temples, or shelters accepting foreign minorities undergoing religious persecution in their own countries, e.g. Yazidis, Bahia’s, Christians, Jews etc. Left wing college students can’t seem to grasp the concepts of secure borders and illegal Immigrants. See Undocumented Immigrants!
- Accepted Names/Pronouns: Communications between LGBT and all other college students may use the terms He, She, It, Mr., Ms, Mrs., proper names and any other respectful form of personal address that is acceptable. “Hey bitch” is not acceptable! No college student will be discriminated against or injured because of their sexual preference. However, special considerations will not be given to accommodate transgender student’s restroom and locker needs, only their functioning installed equipment.
- Student Benefits: College student benefits will not include free government tuition, free student loans, additional medical coverage or better housing. These benefits should be provided by Mommy or Daddy, school stipends or by the student working at a part time job, except in hardship cases. Scholarships will be awarded on a merit, equal opportunity basis, and not on forced sexual or racial orientation basis.
- College Student Inputs: There should be college student inputs about classes and about subject matter to the faculty, but not at the expense of being Democratic left wing politically correct in the classroom, taught by the same politically correct professors and free speech being frowned upon unless it is also politically correct. Only after experiencing a few years of college and the real world of work can such input be meaningful. Additionally, alumni will have a different prospective as to who foots the bill for various perceived student necessities!
- Gun Control: The “Gun Free Zone” signs will be removed from campuses. Such signs are magnets that attract college student crazies that can’t seem to cope with the pressure of an intense college curriculum or outsiders who fear no consequences for reprehensible shooting of unarmed students.
- Undocumented Immigrants: The term only applies to legal immigrants or foreign visitors in the USA who have lost or misplaced their immigration certificates, passports, visas etc. College students want to be fair, but can’t seem to grasp the economic and criminal effects of illegal immigrants coming across wide open US borders. All other non-USA citizens without proper identification are to be termed “illegal immigrants.”
- Islamic Terrorism/Radical Islam: The term was initially not acceptable for these words to be spoken by college students because it was presumed by Democratic left wing government and college progressives to be equivalent to the N-Word. Also it was not deemed fair to peaceful Muslim students. Honestly calling any action by what it is should never be considered offensive. However, the dastardly Islamic terrorism attacks on civilians in Paris France and Mali in Africa have caused reconsideration of usage of such terms in the proper context of discussion of radicalism. The remaining holdouts are President Obama, and the three Democratic presidential candidates Clinton, Sanders and O’Malley.
Washington DC main stream media political reporters have learned that White House staff members and cabinet secretaries of the Obama administration have been awake since Friday night furiously trying to recall all hard and soft copies of the Federal Register November 20, 2015.
President Obama has called a press conference for Tuesday morning at the Congressional Country Club 18th hole after returning from his 10 day trip abroad. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest indicated the president will claim there is no college student unrest caused by radical Democratic agitators. The president will also claim that the PBCS is run by conservative Republicans in association with former Republican President George W Bush to besmirch his legacy!