Have a Happy Liberal Thanksgiving

by on 26/11/15 at 5:40 am

...you can also talk about cousin Ruth and her new husband Claude who expressed a desire to go transgender.

…you can also talk about cousin Fred and ‘her’ new husband Claude who expressed a desire to go transgender too just as soon as he returns from Afghanistan.

The Heartland…

For most people, Thanksgiving is a day for family, giving thanks, food, and football. For some, it means early shopping after the big meal. But for liberals, Thanksgiving is a time to gather families together and then alienate each other. It’s a sacred holiday because of the indoctrination and propaganda opportunities it affords them.

Topics suggested for ruining the family’s holiday include; Hillary 2016, climate change, Black Lives Matter, signing up for Obamacare before the open enrollment period ends, defending every action taken by Obama, abortion, Obama’s winning ISIS strategy, and transgender issues.

Before the family sits down for Thanksgiving dinner, outline for everyone where the nearest safe spaces are located, much like a flight attendant making sure everyone is aware of where the exits are. Nobody wants to face a mealtime situation where your insensitive uncle says the words “radical Islam” and you or a sibling freak out because you can’t find your nearest healing place.

Now that everybody knows where the safe spaces are, after dinner, but before dessert, when everyone is uncomfortable and groggy, begin your verbal assault on the family in support of gun control. This was a directive from the White House and 17 year-old spokesboy Joshie Earnest this week.

Keep in mind, you’re not worthy of being called a Democrat if you can’t demand that no one is leaving the table until the gun control issue has been settled. And by “settled,” we mean that your uncle refuses to talk to you again until next Thanksgiving after this discussion. *Tip – It will be necessary for you to explain to your older family members that “trigger happy” has nothing to do with gun control, but rather it describes your recent psychotic state whereby you get “triggered,” or offended, by everyday, ordinary words that don’t bother normal people. This will clear up much confusion.

A few final reminders for those forced into having Thanksgiving with a liberal or two through no fault of your own, it is NEVER nice to make fun of their Tofurky (take the high road on this one), repeat to yourself “This too shall pass” the whole time your liberal is talking, and give many thanks to God this Thanksgiving that you were blessed enough to have seen the light. Happy Thanksgiving – and good luck!

2 Responses to “Have a Happy Liberal Thanksgiving”

  1. Philbert of Macadamia

    Nov 28th, 2015

    Nice EW.

    The real Turkey is in the White House!

  2. E. Williams

    Nov 29th, 2015

    Yep, the biggest turkey of them all, PhilB.

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