by E. Williams on 03/12/15 at 6:21 am
PARIS – (satireworld.com)
President Obama has concluded two days of making a fool of himself at the climate summit here. Warning the world of the dangers of magic warming gas in our atmosphere, the president painted an apocalyptic vision of the future if the world doesn’t start believing his climate hysteria. Immediately. There is not a minute to waste.
Obama explained to the gathered world leaders that climate change is responsible for ISIS and the rise of terrorism. “If you were a historical scholar, like I am, you would know that if you go back through the thousands of years of human history, there was no terrorism when the earth was cooler. I have gone back through the records, and there is not a single incident of a terrorist attack by a group called ISIS until recent years.”
Mr. Obama then said, “If you were a religious scholar, which I am, you would know that the Koran instructs its followers to attack carbon emitting non-believers if the planet gets too warm. Leaders of ISIS have communicated to us that if we lower the planet’s temperature just 2 degrees Fahrenheit they will not be so angry and will stop trying to kill everybody.”
The president then told the gathering that the danger posed by ISIS paled in comparison to the dangers presented by Republicans and space aliens. “Republicans are a threat wherever they show themselves,” Obama said, “And the cynical among us will say that the space alien threat is a hoax, but I say to you, the space alien threat is no more of a hoax than climate change is.”
In related climate news, following the tragic mass shooting in San Bernadino, the president was reportedly disgusted that the killers made their escape in a carbon-emitting SUV. “Did they not hear a word I said in Paris?!” he asked.