by E. Williams on 05/12/15 at 5:08 am
WASHINGTON D.C. – (satireworld.com)
Trying to put American’s fears to rest about the possibility of bringing tens of thousands of Muslim refugees into the country from Syria, President Obama reassured the nation today that there wouldn’t be any problems with his plan because Muslims “just don’t radicalize once they get here.”
“Once they get here from their war-torn countries, they are just happy to be Americans, they assimilate, and they try to live peaceful lives just like everybody else,” Obama said.
When asked how he would explain the apparent radicalization of the recent San Bernardino terrorists, the president said, “They were not radicalized. I know what the FBI is saying, but my sources tell me that the young couple who committed that heinous act were simply outraged about climate change and our inaction toward the crisis. They didn’t want to live in a warmer world and didn’t know how else to express their anger and frustration.”
Mr. Obama continued, “Clearly, I believe they were eco-terrorists. That way I can call it terrorism without really calling it terrorism, and not offend Muslims and the fine folks over at CAIR. That’s why my speeches in Paris were so important. If we don’t solve this climate change catastrophe, mass shootings like this will, unfortunately, just continue.”
The president also said that the radicalization of certain Muslims coming into the country, or those already here, was highly unlikely because they would have to attend mosques, look up websites, watch ISIS recruitment videos on social media, and read the Quran. “That’s a lot of work, don’t you think? I just don’t see people going to all that trouble just to hurt us.”