by captain america on 06/12/15 at 4:21 pm
The White House – (satireworld.com)
On his national address scheduled for later in the day from the White House the President is ready to unleash his latest plan to thwart ISIS and radical terrorism by increasing American unemployment to reduce the amount of workplace violence blamed for the recent bloodbaths around America!
“By invoking global warming we will be cutting thousands of jobs in the energy field,
manufacturing and the automobile industry thereby insuring a safer environment for our liberal college graduates from Ivy League schools and women on Fiance visas from Pakistan and Afghanistan. No one should be forced to work in a hostile work place where a woman is mocked for her facial hair or lack of hygiene!”
Obama cited recent examples from Princeton and Yale where terrorists on the No Fly list were refused the opportunity to purchase weapons of Mass Destruction from local gun stores including M-60 grenade launchers, ricin, letter openers and exploding sneakers , jockey shorts and thongs!
“By forcing everyone onto unemployment we’ll then have a data base of citizens we”ll be able to keep an eye on and check on their political affiliation and donations to the DNC and those violent Tea Party Activists!”
Hilary Clinton endorsed this new edict and even doubled down on it by saying, “If I’m elected there won’t be any republicans with a job making over $15,000 a year and certainly not getting food stamps and Obamacare subsidies a phone or 5,000 rounds of armor piercing bullets!”
Efforts to reach Bernie Sanders went unanswered as he was reportedly still napping.
The Donald when contacted said “another example of democrats with their heads up each other’s arse….when finding they lost money on their crop they decide to get a bigger delivery truck…!
Even Evil Williams and Philbert were left speechless with this Common Core New Math!